


Better Then (So Please Come Home)

by EchoMayday



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: !!! Temporary Major Character Death!!!, Angst, Everyone needs therapy really, Kara needs a hug, Lena Luthor Needs Therapy, Might add more tags later, Why doesn’t this show have more therapy?, hugs for everyone, kinda sorta a song fic, lena needs a hug, lots and lots of angst, self deprecating Lena, slight mention of abuse, sorry for all the angst, you should really read the notes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:01:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 37,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26508637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EchoMayday/pseuds/EchoMayday
Summary: “Promise……promise you won’t forget me.” Lena’s voice shakes as she speaks. Kara pulls Lena in for another hug.“Forgetting you would be impossible.” Kara whispers. “What’s the other thing.”“Could you……could you stay with me? Until the end.”XxxxxxxxxxxxLena is tired. Tired of all the lies, the fighting, the pain. All she wants is a little peace. Kara once did that for her. Gave her moments of peace in her chaotic life. She did the same for Kara once as well. But that was then. It’s gone now. She destroyed all the good in her life, and doesn’t know how to fix it. But if she finds a way to make it right, not just for those she loves, but for herself too, she should do it. No matter the cost. Right?Kara wants to give Lena the life she deserves. The happiness she needs. But is she too late? Kara is one of the strongest people on Earth, but is she strong enough to save Lena? True love means absolute sacrifice. Is Kara ready to learn what it truly means to love someone?Or - The true fight for Lena’s soul.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 176
Kudos: 328





	1. Home?

**Author's Note:**

> So it’s been a while since I’ve written a fanfic. I’m just trying to test the waters so to speak. To see if I’m still any good at this. 
> 
> This is sorta a song fic. Two songs really. A song for Kara, and a song for Lena. I put Lena’s at the beginning and Kara’s at the end. I personally suggest listening to the first song, reading the fic, then listen to Kara’s song at the end. 
> 
> I feel like this fic could stand as a one shot, but if some people seem to like it I can keep going. I’m really going to leave it up to you readers. So leave a comment if you want more, or if you think it’s crap and I should stop while I’m ahead.
> 
> This is also my first supergirl fanfic, and my first time posting on this site. So any and all feedback, suggestions, or requests are more than welcome.
> 
> So please listen to the songs and enjoy the story...... I hope.

-Lena’s Song-

Better Then (Alternate) - Koethe

I close my eyes  
Its like I'm still alive  
Don't wake me up until  
Don't wake me up until

The silent night  
It tears me up inside  
And I can feel you still  
And I can feel you still

A bleeding heart  
The things we left unsaid  
The phantom in my head  
The phantom in my head

A creeping thought  
The joy that I can't find  
It can't escape my mind  
I can't escape my mind

And I now I hate to face the end  
So could you let me just pretend?  
I'd give up everything I've left

And I'll never know your like again  
You were the best I'd ever been  
I know that things were better then  
Then...

The falling ash  
You settle to the ground  
I see you slipping down  
I see you slipping down

A sinking ship  
But I am weighed down from  
The burden of your love  
I wasn't good enough

And I now I hate to face the end  
So could you let me just pretend?  
I'd give up everything I've left

And I'll never know your like again  
You were the best I'd ever been  
I know that things were better then  
Back then…

And I was so wrong  
And its been so long  
And it haunts me still  
And I know you're gone  
And I was too wrong  
And its been too long  
And it haunts me still  
And I know you're gone

And I now I hate to face the end  
So could you let me just pretend?  
I'd give up everything I've left

And I'll never know your like again  
You were the best I'd ever been  
I know that things were better then  
Back Then…

And god how I fucking hate the end  
So could you let me just pretend?  
I've given all that I can give

And I'll never see your face again  
Until I'm walking with the dead  
So will you swear you'll meet me then?  
Oh then…

And I now I have to face the end  
But could you let me just pretend?  
Could you let me just pretend?

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lena Luthor has always had an achingly familiar relationship with pain. She first felt true pain on the day she watched her mother sink below the dark waters before her, disappearing from her life forever. And from that day forward, pain became her constant companion. It was always there, morphing from one thing to another. Ebbing and flowing much like the water that took her mother.

It came in the form of the Luthor family, living in a house that was as dark and cold as its residents. Her innocence and her very definition of love stripped away by a father that was never there, a bother that masked his manipulation and emotional torment of her with twisted affection, and a mother who on her best days couldn’t withstand the sight of her, and on her worse days turned disdain into rage with a swing of her fist.

Pain continued to follow her away from the Luthors. Every soul turned their back on her without allowing her a single chance, simply for her last name. And when she thought she was gifted with a few who might truly love her, they too brought her pain. And when the Luthor name became the symbol for terror and murder, the whole world spat at her with hatred and wished her dead. And it hurt.

The vile words people screamed at her hurt. The food and rocks and garbage that was thrown at her if she dared step out on the street hurt. The endless silence that greeted her when she came home hurt. Having no one call or come to her in the wake of her brother’s trial to see if she was okay, because she wasn’t, hurt. The loneliness hurt. It all hurt. Just not as much as it should have. Because she knew pain. Had always known pain. At that point, she truly couldn’t remember a time without it. So what should have broken her, was quietly washed away with a stiff drink and a cold feeling of numbness. After all, she was a Luthor. At least until that day. Until she happened.

Lena has always felt pride in her ability to calculate and predict what would happen next. Weather it was in business, science, or little things in her day to day life. Yet, her brilliant mind never in a million years could have predicted or prepared her for the light that was Kara Danvers.

She couldn’t blame herself for being caught off guard. Kara was something, someone, she had never encountered. She didn’t even believe someone like Kara could exist, let alone want anything to do with her. Kara was kind and innocent, yet not naïve. Respectful, yet bold. Pure light, love, and happiness pulsed from her very being, but a look into her eyes revealed depth, understanding, and pain. Pain that she chose not to succumb to. But what truly amazed Lena was the truth and loyalty that she could see in her actions and hear in her voice. How could anyone have been prepared for Kara?

Lena suddenly found herself doing what she swore she would never do again. She trusted. How could she not when unexpectedly Kara would rush into her office, call her phone, or send a text to ask her about her wellbeing? Even on days when nothing bad happened. Had anyone ever done that before? Not that she could think of, and her memory was near perfect. 

She tried to deny that Kara really wanted to be her friend without wanting anything in return, but Lena was a scientist that trusted data and facts. And all the facts pointed to Kara being genuine. But she couldn’t understand why. Why, out of all the other, better, people out there, would Kara choose to spend her time with her. She even ask Kara this once. Kara looked at her like she was stupid, which was a rare occurrence for the genius, and said, “Because you’re you silly.” As if it was the answer to the most simple question ever asked. It only left Lena more confused. As did the constant compliments Kara would give all the time. And Kara was so genuine with every good thing she said about the Luthor, that sometimes, Lena could almost believe that maybe she might actually be good.  
It was months after their friendship had begun that Lena first felt it. Or rather, didn’t feel it. Kara had convinced her to leave work early on Friday night and to spend the weekend with her. It never failed to impress her how Kara could get her to do almost anything. Nothing special happened. All they did was watch movies, eat bad food, talk, and laugh. It was in the midst of all that lazy, easy banter that she realized it was gone. For the first time since she was four years old, the ever constant pain was gone. It took her breath away. And suddenly, her friendship with Kara became the most important thing in her life.

Her pain didn’t stay gone. It would quickly reassert Itself into her life. And it’s not like it would magically disappear whenever Kara walked into the room. Not always. Sometimes all it took to ease her pain was listening to Kara talk and laugh and smile. Sometimes it took more effort. Lena forced herself to open up, to be vulnerable with Kara. She showed Kara her pain, and her best friend gladly helped her carry it. And her pain lessened. But what seemed to help even more so, was when Kara began to turn to her as the person she needed when her shining happiness gave way to tears. It was astounding. To care and to be cared for with no ulterior motives. And soon, pain, while still present in Lena’s life, was no longer constant.

Even in her more darker moments, she still considered herself fortunate. It all seemed too good to be true. So Lena felt she really should have known better. Because in her experience, if something was too good to be true, that’s because it was. And when the truth showed itself, her world crumbled.

The years spent with Kara, without the ever present pain had weakened her. Lena had grown used to the light feeling of pain free days. So when she watched her bother die by her own hand while having the most important relationship in her life twist into a lie, she wasn’t ready for the pain when it fell upon her. And she broke. And it hurt. It hurt like nothing she had ever felt before. That feeling of betrayal was blinding. God was she blinded by its pain. So blinded that she couldn’t see it was pushing her to a pain far worse.

Lena thought the worse pain she had ever felt was the burn of betrayal that she was dealt by the hands of those she called her friends, those she considered her family. But she was wrong. Terribly and utterly wrong. Because the only thing more painful than being betrayed by those you love, is being the one to betray them. Once she saw past her own pain and looked at the pain she inflicted on her loved ones, the guilt increased her pain to unimaginable levels.

And she wanted to fix it. Not to stop her own pain. No, never her own pain. She deserved every drop of pain she felt. No, she wanted to fix it, had to fix it, in order to somehow heal the people she hurt. The family she loved, and lost. A family she knows she’ll never gain back, because her brother was right about her. She is a fool. A fool that never deserved to have her pain wiped by someone as wonderful as Kara in the first place.

But she did deserve the feeling that washed over her as Kara’s voice rose with anger at Lena’s foolish attempts at reconciliation. It squeezed her heart and cracked her soul. Lena vaguely thought that it was what death must feel like. And every word Kara said was true, except for one thing. Lena wasn’t looking for absolution. She was looking for justice. Justice for Kara and her family, for all that she had done to them. Lena wanted to be punished. And Kara’s word did just that. But it still didn’t feel like it was enough. She deserved far worse than just some harsh words. And when this crisis is over, she’ll make sure she gets the punishment that rightly belongs to her. Who knows, maybe when all this is over she and Lex can share a cell. The thought almost makes her smile.

Lena tries not to let her agony distract her. Instead, she lets it motivate her and push her to work harder and faster. She lets it nearly drown her as she finishes Kara’s suit in record time. She feels it bone deep as she drags Eve and William to safety. She allows it to consume her as she watches Kara enter a virtual world to fight for the lives of billons. And she lets it weep from her soul as she turns and faces Andrea wielding a sharp piece of kryptonite.

Protect Kara, Protect Kara, Protect Kara Lena repeats in her head over and over as Andrea moves closer. But how? She doesn’t have a weapon. Just her body for a shield, and her words for a sword. But what could she say? She was no Supergirl, and she certainly wasn’t Kara Danvers. She was only Lena Luthor. How could Luthor ever inspire someone to do good with mere words?

All Lena could think to say was what she herself would want to her. She would want to be told that she wasn’t alone, that she wasn’t a villain. That she had a friend that still cared and believed in her.

“I believe in you.” Lena slowly comes closer, the green stone pushes into her neck. She watches Andrea as her face contorts in pain. She lets her friend fall against her, and she hugs her close. Did I really do it? Did I just save them both? Lena thinks as she’s flooded with relief. It seems too good to be true. 

A sharp pain in her back and a tearfully whisper of, “I’m so sorry Lena.”, proves to her, yet again, that if something seems too good to be true, than it probably is.

Lena pushes Andrea away as she falls to the floor, her legs no longer supporting her. She instinctively reaches for the origin of the blinding physical pain. Her hand grazes the end of the kryptonite protruding from her back. Blood oozes from around the stone and coats her hand, slowly dripping onto the floor.

“An…Andrea?....What?” Lena looks up at the masked women, realizing that she never truly believed she would actually cause her harm.

“I told you Lena, I don’t have a choice.” Andrea’s voice shakes with grief and determination.

“I…I didn’t think you would kill me.” Lena admits.

“I could never kill you Lena.” She crouches next to Lena and rests a cold hand on her face.

“My…My current circumstance would beg to differ.” Lena grinds her teeth against the pain and tries to push herself away from Andrea.

“You’ll be fine Lena. As soon as I’m done here, I’m make sure help comes for you. As long as you don’t remove the kryptonite you won’t bleed to death.” Andrea stands and looks down at Lena with tears in her eyes.

“Why stab….Stab me if you’re not going to kill Supergirl?” Lena asks, her mind getting too foggy to come to the conclusion on her own.

“What makes you think I’m not going to kill her?”

“You need the kryptonite to hurt her. And since I, against my own will, currently have the kryptonite, and you don’t plan on taking it from me, how….how do you plan to kill her?” Lena’s breathing starts to feel heavy and wet. Andrea looks over at a table beside her, and picks a sharp looking tool up from it.

“I don’t need to stab Supergirl with the kryptonite to kill her, I just need to get it near her to make her vulnerable.” Andrea leans down to Lena. “And I don’t need to remove the kryptonite from you to get it near her. I just need to get you close enough.”

Andrea grabs onto Lena’s arm and starts pulling her closer to an unaware Kara. Her weakened state doesn’t give her the time nor the energy to fight back. A scream rips from Lena as pain shoots through her body at the harsh movement. A thick, smeared, trail of blood left in her wake. Each inch of blood showing her that she’s that much closer to Kara. That much closer to being the reason she dies.

How did she let this happen? How did she let herself become a tool used to harm others, yet again? She tried to do the right thing. She tried to do what she thought kara would do. Look what it got her. She should’ve learned by now that she isn’t capable of doing things the right way. Again, Lena made the wrong choice. God, why can’t I ever get something right! Now Kara will be punished for another one of my mistakes.

No. She can’t let this happen. She won’t hurt Kara. Not again. She is Lena Fucking Luthor! And she’ll be damned if she lets anyone kill her best friend while she just sits there doing nothing.

Lena doesn’t think. She doesn’t plan. She simply acts. Moving without thought, she reaches behind her and grabs the only weapon available to her. Her hand wraps around the blood soaked kryptonite and pulls. She feels the stone scrape against her bone, tear at her muscles, and pull on her flesh as she frees it from her body. She can’t be sure if she screams or not, she’s too focused on the task at hand. And in a single movement, with all the strength she has left, Lena plunges the kryptonite into the back of Andrea’s knee. Andrea definitely screams.

She lets go of Lena and drops to the floor. Lena looks up to see that they’re less the five feet from Kara. With a grunt, and another sharp scream from Andrea, she wrenches the kryptonite from Andrea’s knee and throws it with all her might to the other side of the room. It’s the best she can do in her given state. Lena just hopes Kara will wake up before Andrea can rally herself.

“NOOO!” Andrea screams, griping her leg and trying to stand. “What did you DO!” She turns to Lena as she fails to stand again. “DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU’VE DONE!!” More screaming. More falling back to the ground. Lena doesn’t bother to answer her. She’s not sure she even can. She lies awkwardly on her back as blood pours out from beneath her, spreading around her in a large puddle.

Lena ignores the ranting screams from Andrea as she watches the woman pull herself across the floor towards the kryptonite. Lena doesn’t think she’s moving very fast, but she’s still making progress, and Kara is still sitting silently unaware. Her worry spikes as she watches helplessly as Andrea finally manages to drag herself to the now red stone. Andrea laughs hysterically as she clutches the blood drenched kryptonite to her chest. She starts she journey back to Kara. Lena’s eyes blur with tears.

“Please wake up.” She whispers as the first of her tears roll down her face.

“Lena?” Kara’s voice echos in the room like a prayer answered. A loud sob of relief bursts from Lena.

“Lena!” Kara is sudden hovering over Lena, she face etched with shock and worry.

“Kr….kryptonite.” Lena says through chattering teeth.

“NO!” Andrea screams again. She manages to stand on her good leg and raises the kryptonite in the air in an attempt to throw it. Kara’s heat vision explodes from her eyes, blasting the kryptonite from Andrea’s hand. She screams in pain and falls back to the floor. “NO! Please! Give me another chance. NO!NOOO!” Andrea screams in pain as shadows violently warp around her. Her screams are cut off and she vanishes with the shadows.

“Lena! Oh Rao Lena, what happened!?” Lena turns her attention back to Kara. Kara, alive, safe, and unharmed Kara. Lena smiles.

“You’re okay.” Lena’s voice is low and raspy.

“What? Lena no, I’m….. Why are you smiling? What happened? Where are you hurt?” Kara’s hands hesitantly touch Lena, afraid of making things worse. She looks Lena over. She face is beyond pale, almost blue, blood is leaking from her nose and mouth, making a stark contrast against her skin. There’s blood everywhere, but Kara doesn’t see a wound. It must be on her back. She focuses her eyes and scans Lena with her X-ray vision. She gasps when she sees the damage.

“I had to.” Says Lena. “I….I couldn’t….She was going to kill you.”

“No…Lena you should’ve run….or….or called for help.” Kara can’t stop her tears from falling.

“No time.” Lena smiles again. “Besides. I….I couldn’t abandon you…….not again.” Lena lets her eyes close as she tries to take a deep breath.

“No no no Lena! Keep your eyes open.” Kara begs. “Just stay with me. I’m going to get you some help”

“Ple….please don’t leave me.” Lena’s eyes open and lock on to Kara. She feels selfish and weak for asking her to stay, but she can’t stand the thought of her leaving right now.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Kara grads onto one of Lena’s hands and hold it to her heart. “I’m staying right here, I promise. Okay?” Lena slowly nods her head. “Okay, just hold on a second.” Kara taps her ear piece.

“Alex! Alex are you there?” The few seconds that it takes for Alex to answer feel long and agonizing to Kara.

“I’m here Kara. Leviathan has been…”

“Lena’s hurt.” Kara cuts her off, she couldn’t care less about Leviathan, or Lex, or really anyone else besides Lena right now.

“What? What happen?” Alex’s voice shifts to doctor mode.

“I…I’m not sure.” Kara sobs. “I was in the VR and when I came out Lena….. It’s her back Alex. I think she might have been stabbed. There’s…..” Kara trails off. She looks at Lena, fighting to stay awake. She doesn’t want to scare her, but she needs to give Alex all the information she can. “There’s a lot of damage. I….I don’t even know where to start, or….or how to help her. She’s loosing so much blood. Please Alex…. I need help.”

“Can you get to the wound?” She asks. 

“She’s on her back, I’d have to turn her over.”

“Is her spine damaged?” Kara looks down at Lena again. Lena smiles and gives her a weak nod. 

“Yes. It’s bad.”

“Shit.” Alex takes a deep breath. “I’m going to do everything I can to get to you and get Lena the help she needs. But it’s going to take some time.”

“Lena doesn’t have time!” Kara shouts and blinks back more tears.

“Kara.” Lena gets her attention. “It’s okay.”

“No! No it’s not okay.” Kara gets angry all of the sudden 

“Kara!” Alex shouts into the ear piece. “If you want to help Lena, you’re going to need to calm down and listen to me.” Kara takes a couple unsteady breathes.

“Tell me what to do Alex.” Kara voice and demeanor are suddenly calm and determined. Lena looks up at her and thinks that she has never seen her friend look more like supergirl than she does now.

“You can’t move her to much, it could make things worse. But you need to slow down the bleeding until help arrives.” Alex says quickly. “Find something to use to help stop the bleeding, and carefully slip you hand under her and put as much pressure as you can on the wound without doing anymore damage.”

“Right. Okay. What else?” Kara looks around for a moment before tearing off her cape. She folds it around her hand.

“That’s it.” Says Alex. “I’m sorry, but there isn’t anything else you can do. You just need to wait. I’m sorry Kara. We’re coming as fast as we can, it’s chaos out here. But I promise, help is coming.”

“Just please hurry.” Kara pleads. “And Alex.”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.” Kara hears her sister’s voice catch a bit.

“I love you too. See you and Lena soon.” The ear piece goes silent. Kara slowly starts to move her cape and hand beneath Lena. Lena coughs up more blood during the process. “I sorry Lena, I know it hurts, just hold on.” Kara presses her cape firmly against Lena’s back.

“It doesn’t.” Lena says softly as she looks up at Kara leaning over her body, gently holding her.

“It doesn’t what?” Kara asks.

“Hurt.” Says Lena. “Ac….actually, I don’t feel any pain at all.” Kara’s stomach drops. She knows that pain is bad, but no pain is worse.

“Everything is going to be okay Lena.” Kara isn’t sure if she’s trying to reassure Lena or herself. 

“Everything is already okay.” Lena smiles brightly at kara, but her blood stained teeth destroy the happiness behind it.

“What are you talking about Lena?” Kara wants to keep Lena awake and talking, but something about her words scare her.

“Everything’s……perfect. I…I think I might be happy.” The air in Lena’s lungs start to rattle when she speaks.

“Lena I….. I think you should stop talking. You should save your strength.” Lena ignores Kara. There are things she needs to say.

“You… Kara you don’t….understand.” Lena’s fight for air doesn’t silence her. She’s had more difficult battles in her life. “I…I always hurt. The pain…..it never left. Not….not until you came. Not until……you made it better. But then….it came back…..worse than ever. Be…..because of…..what I did. Because….i hurt you.”

“Lena stop.” Kara begs. “Just stop. We can talk about all this later.”

“No…..I nee…need to. Please don’t stop me……please let me…” Lena has tears in her eyes, pleading for Kara to let her speak. Kara feels powerless to deny her, and nods for Lena to continue.

“I…I thought after….what…I did….that the pain….would never leave again. But…..you did it Kara. You….you did it again. You took…..the pain away. Even when….i don…don’t deserve it…..you save me.” 

“Lena I don’t understand what you’re talking about. But I do know that you deserve it. You deserve everything. And you definitely deserve to not be in pain.” Kara’s tears drip down and mix with Lena’s. Neither of them seem to notice or care.

“I…..I highly doubt that. But…. I don’t really care right now.” Lena smiles through her tears. “I’ve gotten everything…..i could ever hope for…..thanks to you.”

“What do you mean.” Kara is confused, scared, worried. How long has it been since she talked to Alex? What’s taking so long?

“I….I was never able to save….save the people that mattered……most to me. Until today……I finally saved someone….someone I loved. I wasn’t……too late this time. And…..and remember when I told that……that all I ever wanted was….. to do something good? Well…..I can’t…I can’t think of something better…..better than saving Kara Danvers. Because the world…..it needs you in it…..and to top it all off….it doesn’t hurt….anymore.” Lena smiles again, she can’t help it. Despite everything, she actually really feels happy. For the first time in a long time. “What more…could I ask for. So….so thank you. You’ve always been…..my hero.”

“No Lena. NO. Don’t thank me.” Kara can’t stop herself from sobbing anymore. “I didn’t do anything, so don’t thank me. It was all you Lena. It’s always been you. You’re the hero Lena. You saved me. So many times Lena, you saved me. You saved the world. Everything that’s good Lena, it comes from you. You’re the one that’s good, you’re the one the deserves thanks. Not me Lena. It’s all you.”

“That….that sounds exactly like….something a hero would say.” Lena murmurs as her eyes slip shut.

“No Lena. Don’t do that. Keep those pretty eyes open Lena. Look at me Lena.” Kara cups her face with her free hand as her head lulls to the side. Lena opens her eyes slightly, but they’re glassy and unfocused.

“Do….do you think that…..that things could’ve been different….maybe better?” Lena asks, not quite looking at Kara anymore. 

“What do you mean?” Kara asks, desperate to keep Lena awake.

“Do you think we…..we still would’ve met…..if……I I hadn’t let my mom die?” Lena had once told Kara how her birth mother died, but she never mentioned blaming herself for the accident. My God how could she? She was practically a baby when it happened.

“Lena, what happened to your mom. It was in no way your fault.” Lena doesn’t really hear her, Kara can tell.

“Maybe that….that would’ve been for…..for the best….us not meeting. Be…besides…..it would’ve been nice…..to have never been a…..a Luthor.” Lena’s eyes start shifting around, like they’re trying to focus on something that’s not really there.

“Kara…” she whispers.

“I’m here Lena, I’m right here.” Kara holds Lena as tightly as she can.

“Kara….i miss her. I…..miss my mom.” Lena starts to cry. “Kara…..Kara I want to go home. Pl…..please Kara, I want….. I want to go home now.” Kara’s entire body shakes as she tries to control her crying, tries to keep still so that she can keep Lena alive. But it’s hard. It’s so fucking hard when she can feel and smell the blood still leaking from between her fingers, when she can hear the blood slowly filling her lungs, when she can hear Lena’s heart struggling with every slowing erratic beat. It’s hard when Lena’s begging her the let her go. But she can’t. She can’t let Lena go. Not when they have so many things they still need to say to each other. Not when there are so many things they still need to do together. At the very least, they’ll need a lifetime to do it all. So Kara can’t let go. Not now. Not ever.

“Listen to me Lena. You need to hold on.” Says Kara while softly brushing Lena’s tears away. Lena lets out a weak sob.

“No, I don’t….. I don’t want to be here anymore.” She cries.

“Everything will be okay, but you have got to fight. Just stay with me.” Kara pleads. Lena suddenly focuses on Kara again, though her once vibrant eyes are dull.

“Please don’t ask me to stay.” She wheezes with each word.

“Why not?” Kara asks.

“Because…it’s you…..and I can’t say no….to you.” Kara locks eyes with Lena. Unsure of what to say, because she can’t hardly say no to Lena either.

“Fine.” Says Kara with a broken voice. “I wont ask you to stay. But I am going to ask you to come home. You said you wanted to go home, right? Well I believe Lena, no, I know, that this, right here, right now, with me. This is your home, Lena. And….and I know that it’s hard here, and how…..how painful it can be, how much it hurts. Trust me, I know. It can be cruel and unfair. But this, Lena, this is your home. This is where your family is, where the people that care about you are. I know that this is right where you belong, and I think that deep down, in your soul Lena, you know it too. So please Lena. Please come home to me. I promise you, that I will make sure that all the bad and painful things that you have went through or will continue to go though will be worth it. I’ll make it all worth it Lena. I’ll take care of everything. All you have to do is come home.”

Lena smiles softly as another tear rolls down her face. “Home.” The word leaves her lips so quietly, Kara barely hears her. Mostly because she’s focused on what she can’t hear. She can’t hear Lena breathing. The painful sounding breaths she’d been fighting for no longer echo in the room. She can’t hear Lena’s heart beat. A sound that Kara has listened to for almost as long as she’s known Lena. Everything is silent. And the silence is so deafening, that Kara misses the sound of boots slamming against the floor as they run towards her.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

(Kara’s Song)

Coming Home - Koethe

Your teary eyes  
Don't you look so blue  
Memories ones we've left behind  
You know I'll always find my way to you

Can't stop the rain  
Just hold me close  
And though I've been so far away  
The distance is closing  
And I'm coming home

The more we change  
The more it all stays the same  
I know you and I've seen your scars  
Makes you that much more beautiful to me

And these four walls  
(They're) No home that I've known  
Spotlights and never ending halls  
I swear if you feel the same  
Then I'm coming home home  
Yeah I'm coming home

Home  
And still I see you  
And still I see you

Stay with me  
Stay with me  
Stay with me  
Oh  
Stay with me  
Oh god just stay with me  
Stay with me  
You are my home home

And I'm coming home home  
And I'm coming home home  
And I'm coming home home


	2. Heartbeat in a Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it seems I’m going to continue with this fic. Sorry it took so long to update. After deciding to continue, i had to outline the rest of the story before i knew what to write next.
> 
> Now that i have it all figured out, I should update about every four days. Unless I’m assigned an extra shift at work. But even then, i won’t go more than a week without updating. This chapter is a little shorter than I’d like it to be, but i didn't want to keep you waiting any longer.
> 
> I also have two more songs for Kara and Lena you should listen to. I personally love music with a good fic, but that’s just me. Hope you enjoy.

Kara’s song

**The All-American Rejects – Heartbeat Slowing Down**

**I still remember that empty look left on your face**

**You took the pictures but you left the frames**

**All we had written, well, it's been erased**

**Something that I had to do**

**I cut you deep, you're bleeding through**

**You're every single shade of blue**

**I'm staring right in front of you**

**I can hear your heartbeat slowing down**

**I can hear your heartbeat turn me around**

**You can take my life**

**All you need, make me right**

**I can't sleep with your heartbeat slowing down**

**Here you left scattered**

**Like wishes I led to your room**

**Bury my face in your pillow**

**Just to smell your perfume**

**Outside I'm hungry**

**But inside I'm just consumed**

**Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe**

**Losing you is choking me**

**I can hear your heartbeat slowing down**

**I can hear your heartbeat turn me around**

**You can take my life**

**All you need, make me right**

**I can't sleep with your heartbeat slowing down**

**I fucking hate this town**

**I wanna burn it down**

**I never felt so cold**

**And when I burn this town**

**I hope I burn it down**

**And leave me on my own**

**I fucking hate this town**

**I wanna burn it down**

**I never felt so cold**

**I can hear your heartbeat slowing down**

**I can hear your heartbeat slowing down**

**I can hear your heartbeat turn me around**

**You can take my life**

**All you need, make me right**

**How can you sleep with your heartbeat slowing down**

**I can hear your heartbeat slowing down**

**Xxxxxxxxxx**

_Kara keeps glancing over at Lena every few seconds. Trying to read her expression. But Lena’s face remains completely neutral. Kara tries to focus back on the movie, but finds herself looking back at Lena less than a minute later._

_“You know, it’s rather difficult to pay attention to the film with you staring at me.” Lena says with a slight smile, her eyes never leaving the screen._

_“I’m not staring!” Kara’s voice gets so high pitched it makes her wince. Lena sighs and pauses the movie. She turns to Kara and simply raises an eyebrow at her. Kara dramatically flops back into the couch. “I was trying to see if you liked it. You’ve never seen it before, and you haven’t said anything or reacted at all so far!”_

_“We’re only ten minutes into the film.” Lena chuckles lightly_

_“Well yeah, but still.”_

_“That’s not a very good argument.” Lena points out. Kara’s shoulders slump a bit and she pouts. “Kara, we have watched dozens of movies together, none of which I had seen before, and it has never made you this fidgety. Why don’t you tell me what’s really going on?”_

_“It’s….well it’s a classic! I mean, who hasn’t seen The Wizard of Oz?” Kara turns her focus towards her hands._

_“You say that about every movie I haven’t seen.” Says Lena. Kara keeps looking at her hands, the ever telling crinkle present on her face. Lena suddenly feels bad for pushing her friend on the subject. She still isn’t used to initiating physical contact, but she knows Kara finds comfort in it. So she pushes past her own discomfort and takes Kara’s hands into her own. Kara finally looks up at her._

_“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. We can just watch the movie, or I can watch it and you can watch me. I really don’t mind. And when it’s over I’ll tell you in great detail what I thought of it.” Kara smiles and nods. Lena goes to move her hands away, But Kara holds tight._

_“It’s my favorite.” Says Kara. “Like my all time favorite movie. And it really means a lot to me. I know it’s silly but….”_   
  


_“It isn’t silly.” Lena interrupts. “Anything you find meaningful is never silly.”_

_“But it’s just a movie.” Says Kara._

_“Clearly it’s more than that to you.” Lena shifts closer to Kara. “Did I ever tell you what my favorite book was?”_

_“Yeah, To Kill A Mockingbird.” Kara quickly answers. Lena seems almost surprised that Kara remembers._

_“Well did I ever tell you why?”_

_“You said something vague when I asked you. Something like, it made you remember who you wanted to be. I didn’t really understand.” Kara looks deeply into Lena’s bright green eyes. Lena tries to hold her gaze, but ends up looking away._

_“Yes, I did say that. I swear you have a better memory than I do.” Lena sighs before continuing. “As you know, movies and television weren’t really allowed in the Luthor house growing up. However, books were almost always welcomed. I would get a bit chastised if they weren’t educational, but they were rarely taken from me. So I quickly found a sort of escapism in reading fiction. But reading To Kill a Mockingbird was different. It felt….important. Important enough that I read it again, and again, and again._

_I was fairly young when I first read it, so I didn’t really look deeply into all the symbolism of the story, but I latched onto the characters. Jem, the loving older brother. At the time I compared him to Lex, now when I read the book it’s a reminder of what a brother should really be like. Scout, well, I was both envious and understanding of her. She had such freedom, but still, at such a young age, she was already being pushed to be something that wasn’t her true self._

_Then there was Atticus. He became a sort of moral compass to me. He stood up and declared what he believed to be right in front of a town that disagreed with him. I would go for days sometime without uttering a word in the Luthor house for fear I would say the wrong thing and be punished. I wanted to be brave like Atticus and say what I wanted to say. Tom Robinson had the weight of crimes that he didn’t commit placed on his shoulders. His character became more meaningful to me later in life, as you can imagine. But the character that meant the most to me, was Boo Radley.”_

_“Why him?” Asks Kara._

_“Everyone just assumed certain things about him. He was hidden away from the world without a way to defend his name. No one ever even thought to give him a chance. But none of that stop him from saving the children in the end of the story. He showed kindness to others, when none was ever given to him. And he took a risk without thinking what the consequences to himself would be. He was a hero._

_I related to Boo Radley. No one knew a thing about me, but it didn’t stop the public or the children and teachers at school from whispering untrue things about me. Isolating me further. And I understood what it was like to grow up in a house without kindness. And so I always thought that, if Boo could endure all that and still come out a good person, then maybe I could too.” Lena’s eyes were shining with tears by the time she finished speaking, but she didn’t dare let a single one fall._

_Kara lunges forward and wraps Lena up in a rather strong hug. Lena only manages not to fall onto the floor because of Kara’s grip on her. Lena slowly reacts to the hug, holding onto Kara and rubbing a comforting hand on her back._

_“Thank you Lena.” Kara mumbles into Lena’s dark hair._

_“What for?” Lena laughs. Kara pulls away but keeps her hands on Lena’s shoulders._

_“For sharing that with me. For being my friend. For everything.” The complements make Lena uncomfortable and she waves her hand dismissively._

_“It’s nothing Kara. Just a silly story.” Kara frowns._

_“Hey. If my movie isn’t silly, then your story isn’t silly either.” Kara looks at her with a deep and serious expression, and it makes Lena feel validated. A warm feeling spreads in her chest._

_“Well you have me there.” She says. “I just….. I never told anyone what that book meant to me before. It felt odd saying it out loud.”_

_“I understand. But you’re my best friend, and you never have to hide what you’re feeling with me.”_

_“The same applies to you too Kara.” An odd look that Lena can’t place passes over Kara’s face before it’s replaced with a smile._

_“Did I ever tell you that you’re my favorite?” Asks Kara. Lena laughs, and it’s music to Kara’s ears._

_“Once or twice. But it was usually when I had potstickers.”_

_“I never said it because of the potstickers.” Kara and Lena stare at each other for a moment. Each of them want to say something else, they’re just not sure what. Lena finally clears her throat and leans back into the couch._

_“Well, I better watch this movie. If it’s your favorite than it must be something special.” Lena picks up the remote and hits play._

_“You’re not going to ask me why it’s my favorite?” Asks Kara. Lena keeps her eyes on the film playing in front of her._

_“I’m sure you’ll tell me when you feel like it. In your own time.” Lena keeps her gaze ahead. She can feel Kara looking at her for a few more moments before curling up against Lena’s side._

_“One day, I’ll tell you. I promise.” Kara whispers almost too low for Lena to hear. Her words seem to hold more meaning than Lena can comprehend._

_“And I promise to be here for you when you do.” Lena says back as Dorothy is whisked away by the tornado._

Xxxxxxxxxxx

“Kara! Kara, look at me!” Kara is pulled back to the present by her sister’s frantic voice.

“Alex?” Kara whispers back, but her eyes never leave Lena.

“Kara you need to move. I can’t help Lena if you don’t move.” Says Alex as she tries to push her unmovable sister away from Lena.

“I can’t hear Alex.”

“What?”

“I cant hear her heartbeat. I could always hear it but it’s gone.” Kara sobs and lowers her head to Lena’s chest. Desperately trying to hear any sign of life.

“Fuck!” Alex voice has a sharp edge to it. “Okay….okay you really need to move Kara so I can try and save her.”

“But I told her…”

“Damn it Kara! Move now!” Alex screams. Everything suddenly snaps back into focus for Kara. She quickly pushes herself to listen to her sister’s commands. She moves away from Lena to give Alex space to work. “Keep putting pressure on the wound.” Kara carefully keeps her hand pressed to Lena’s back and watches as Alex kneels in a thick puddle of blood.

Alex puts her head to Lena’s chest for a moment before pulling back. She laces her hands together and places them over Lena’s heart and starts compressions. Kara can hear the off sound of Lena’s heart being forced to pump blood through her body, and the creaking of her ribs and sternum against Alex’s hands.

“How long ago did her heart stop.” Alex asks, already out of breath. She stops her compression only to take Lena’s head and tilt it back at an unnatural looking angle. She pinches her nose shut and doesn’t hesitate to place her mouth over Lena’s blood covered face. Alex forces air into her lungs causing her chest to rise. Alex quickly moves back to doing chest compressions, not bothering to wipe the blood from her mouth.

“I… I don’t know.” Kara finally answers.

“Come on Kara! Was it minutes? Seconds? Give me something to work with here.” Alex demands.

“I don’t know okay! I have no idea!” Kara shouts back, feeling useless. She couldn’t breathe. How could she possibly breathe when Lena wasn’t breathing. Alex is about to say something else when Kelly and Eve rush into the room.

“Oh my god.” Eve gasps.

“Kelly! Thank god you’re here. Do you have what I asked for?” Asks Alex.

“Yes, Eve help me get everything.” Kelly stares in horror at the gruesome scene before her as she holds a large bulky bag in her hands.

“Good, cause I’m going to need it. Bring it over here.” Alex says, Kelly only pauses for a split second before rushing to her girlfriend’s side. “Do you know how to use a defibrillator?”

“Yes.” Answers Kelly, already removing the machine from the bag.

“Good. Get it ready.” Alex breathes air into Lena’s lungs again and does a few more compressions before she tears Lena’s shirt open. She sticks the pads onto her chest. “This isn’t going to be good for a spinal injury.” Alex mutters.

“We don’t have a choice.” Says Kelly.

“Right. Okay Kara, move your hand.”

“But you said….”

“Now Kara!” Kara puts her trust in her sister and slides her hand out from under Lena. “Clear!” Lena’s body quickly convulses then goes limp against the floor. “Kara?” Alex looks to her sister without specifying what she means. She doesn’t have to.

“No heartbeat.” Says Kara.

“Again. Clear.” Kara winces at the sound of Lena’s heart reacting to the electricity hitting her. Alex looks up at Kara again. She just shakes her head, hearing only silence. “Okay, charge it up again.” Alex orders as she continues her CPR on Lena. “Come on Lena. You’re too damn smart to give up. Come on.” Alex shouts at her unresponsive friend.

“It’s charged.” Says Kelly.

“Alright, back up. Clear!” Alex looks at the tears in her sister’s eyes. She doesn’t need to ask. She just starts her compressions again wordlessly. Her arms ache and sweat rolls down her face. She’s already exhausted from her battle against Leviathan, but she can’t bring herself to stop. Alex knows Lena would never stop, so she can’t either.

“Alex.” Kelly says softly, resting a hand on her shoulder. Alex shrugs her off.

“Is it charged?” Asks Alex.

“Alex. Sweetheart. She’s..”

“Is the damn thing charged or not?” Alex interrupts Kelly.

“Yeah. It’s ready.” Kelly sighs.

“Good.” Alex stops the compressions and turns to the defibrillator.

“Wait!” Kara’s hand shoots out and stops Alex. Kara closes her eyes tightly and holds her breath. Another second passes. “There! Her heart! It’s beating. It’s weak, but it’s beating.” Alex slumps back in relief before pushing herself back into action.

“Okay. We need to stabilize her and get her to a hospital ASAP.” Says Alex.

“We can do better than that.” Says Eve inching closer. “LuthorCorp has an entire medical research wing staffed with doctors, surgeons, scientists, and everything else you could possibly want or need. It’s at least ten times better than any hospital.”

“And you think we can actually trust these people? They all technically work for Lex.” Says Alex. “Who knows what they would do to Lena.”

“I kept close tabs on everyone that worked here. Lex wanted to know who was loyal to him. I know all the names of the people we can’t trust. I also know that Lena was carefully gathering people who were not only opposed to Lex, but who are loyal to her.”

“Do you know who these people are?” Asks Kelly while Alex continues to closely monitor Lena.

“No. It angered Lex to no end that he wasn’t able to uncover all of Lena’s secrets.” Says Eve. “Besides Lena herself, there’s only one person who knows or at the very least, can get to Lena’s hidden information. And I’ve already called her.”

Right on cue, Jess runs into the room, followed closely by several people in lab coats carrying various equipment and a stretcher. Jess stumbles at the sight of her boss, broken and bloody on the floor, but tries to quickly compose herself. She succeeds, save for the tears that fall from her eyes.

The group that Jess brought with her rush ahead and surround Lena. Kara jumps up and tries to block them. Not trusting these strangers wearing the LuthorCorp logo with Lena.

“Who are you? What are you doing?” Kara asks frantically as they try to push past Supergirl.

“We’re Doctors and surgeons. We work for Ms. Luthor. And upon first glance, we’re probably her only hope at survival right now. So please step aside.” An older women stands toe to toe with Kara, daring the heroine to argue. Kara doesn’t know what to do. What if these people are lying? What if they hurt Lena even more? She already failed to protect Lena once today, she can’t make another mistake. But Lena’s erratic heartbeat is already slowing again. She needs help that Kara can’t give her. And she needs it now.

“Supergirl.” Says Alex. “We don’t have a choice.” Kara looks at Lena, then her sister, and finally focuses back on the doctor in front of her.

“Fine. But Agent Danvers is going to stay with you every step of the way. She’s trained in medicine, she can assist you.” Kara gives no room for disagreements.

“As long as she can keep up, it shouldn’t be a problem.” The woman says as they descend upon Lena’s prone form.

Kara stands back and watches as the doctors get to work. Alex quickly gets them up to speed on Lena’s condition. They all start talking over each other, rattling off terms that Kara doesn’t really understand, while swiftly working on Lena without any hesitation. In just a few minutes they have her neck braced and on a three count are rolling her onto a board, and applying a thick grey gel substance to the wound on her back. They put and oxygen mask over her face and stick needles in her arms. Then they lift her onto the stretcher and start pushing her out of the room without a second thought.

Kara doesn’t feel like she’s in control of her own body as she races after them. The hallways seem endless as they move to get Lena to where they need to be. Drops of blood fall every so often, leaving a sickening red trail in their wake. Then suddenly, they arrive. They push Lena through a thick set of double doors, and Alex is there, stopping her from following.

“You can’t go in.” Says Alex.

“No. I have to.” Kara tries to push past Alex, but she can’t without hurting her.

“You have to let them do their job. Let me do _my_ job. We can’t do that with you in there.”

“You don’t understand Alex. I need to stay with her. She…she ask me not to leave her. I promised.” Kara starts to cry all over again. She can hardly breathe. She’s suffocating.

“Kara. Kara look at me. Breathe Kara. You need to focus. Listen to me.” Alex grabs Kara’s face and forces her to make eye contact. All Kara can see is the dark red blood still smeared across her sisters face. “Kara. You’re not leaving her. You’re right here. She’s right on the other side of that door. You’re not breaking your promise. You are with her and waiting while giving her the best chance to survive.”

“And you’ll be with her too, right?” Kara weakly asks.

“Every step of the way. I promise.” Alex swears to her. Kara nods her head and rubs her eyes with the palms of her hands.

“Okay. I’ll be right here.” Says Kara. “I won’t leave.”

“I know you won’t.” Alex says before tightly hugging her sister. “I have to go now.”

“I know.” Kara hugs her back. Alex untangles herself from the hug and heads to the door. “Thank you Alex.” Alex looks back at her sister with tears in her eyes.

“Don’t thank me yet.” She says, then disappears behind the doors, along with all the other people capable of saving Lena. But not her. Not Kara. She isn’t one of them. She isn’t a person that can help her best friend.

She can fly so fast that she can slow down time itself. She can melt and cut through just about anything with her eyes. She can freeze rogue aliens in their tracks with a single breath. She can lift buildings and airplanes. She can save billions of lives with a few pretty words. And all of that. All those amazing things. None of them seem to mean a damn thing right now. How can any of it matter if she cant save Lena? And the truth is. The deep dark truth in her heart is, that she would throw all of it away in an instant, if it meant she could save Lena right now.

Kara knows that this is wrong. It’s not the way a hero should think. She should feel guilty for wishing it, but she doesn’t. If she could trade every life she ever saved in order to save Lena right now, she would do it in a heartbeat.

Xxxxxxxxx

_She cant feel her body. She cant feel anything. She sees nothing, only complete and utter darkness. And the silence, its unlike anything she’s ever experienced. The only thing that’s with her in this emptiness is her own mind. And it tortures her. With memories long forgotten, horrific nightmarish images of things that were and things that could be. Guilt, loneliness, shame, and terror eat her alive. How long has she been here? Minutes? Years? She can’t tell. She can’t remember. But she knows were she is. It’s the only place that makes sense. She’s in Hell._

**_Xxxxxxxxxx_ **

****

Lena’s song

**Carl Espen – Silent Storm**

**Head to toes**

**Flesh and bones**

**Should feel whole**

**But the void**

**A silent storm**

**I’m here to use my heart and my hands**

**Somehow the bruises changed my plans**

**And there’s a silent storm inside me looking for a home**

**I hope that someone’s gonna find me and say that I belong**

**I’ll wait forever and a lifetime to find I’m not alone**

**And there’s a silent storm inside me, and someday I’ll be calm**

**Someday I’ll be calm**

**Ask myself**

**What comes next**

**Will I fly?**

**Will I fall?**

**My silent storm**

**I’m here to use my heart and my hands**

**Somehow the bruises changed my plans**

**And there’s a silent storm inside me looking for a home**

**I hope that someone’s gonna find me and say that I belong**

**I’ll wait forever and a lifetime to find I’m not alone**

**And there’s a silent storm inside me, and someday I’ll be calm**

**Someday I’ll be calm**

**Someday I’ll be calm**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment about your thoughts or any recommendations! I love feedback.
> 
> And if there’s anything you want to see in the coming chapters, let me know. I’m always open to new idea and feelings. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> \- EchoMayday


	3. Carry You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoy this chapter.
> 
> Kara and Lena share a song in this one. Hope you like it.

Kara and Lena’s Song

**Carry You - Ruelle**

**I know it hurts**   
**It's hard to breathe sometimes**   
**These nights are long**   
**You've lost the will to fight**

**Is anybody out there?**   
**Can you lead me to the light?**   
**Is anybody out there?**   
**Tell me it'll all be alright**

**You are not alone**   
**I've been here the whole time singing you a song (ooh)**   
**I will carry you, I will carry you**

**I know you can't remember how to shine**   
**Your heart's a bird without the wings to fly**

**Is anybody out there?**   
**Can you take this weight of mine?**   
**Is anybody out there?**   
**Can you lead me to the light?**

**You are not alone**   
**I've been here the whole time singing you a song (ooh)**   
**I will carry you, I will carry you**

**You are not alone**   
**I've been here the whole time**

**You are not alone**   
**I've been here the whole time singing you a song (ooh)**   
**I will carry you, I will carry you**   
**(Is anybody out there?)**   
**I will carry you, I will carry you**   
**Is anybody out there?**

**I know it hurts**   
**It's hard to breathe sometimes**

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Kara can’t hear. She can’t see. The room they took Lena into is lead lined. The silence burns her ears. Her whole body shakes with unspent energy. It pulses with the urge to do something. To take action. But she doesn’t move. Kara just stands there, focusing on the silence in hopes of hearing something. She doesn’t dare use even an ounce of the raging power that flows under her skin, just in case, maybe, just maybe, she can find a way to use it to save Lena.

“ _Loss does strange things to my family, and I’ve lost a lot of people.”_

Kara lets silent tears spill from her eyes.

“ _I’m not a villain. You shouldn’t have treated me like one”_

“Quiet.” Kara whispers to herself, as her own thoughts start to drowned out the real world.

“ _I’ve never had friends like you before. Come to think of it, I’ve never had family like you. No one has ever stood up for me like that.”_

“Just be quiet.” Kara says a little louder.

“ _Come on. You can scream at me if you’d like. I know I deserve it.”_

“No you didn’t.” Kara cries at the memory. How she turned and threw her frustrations at Lena. Saying things that weren’t really true. Telling her that she kept her identity a secret to protect her was a lie. Lena would have been so much safer on so many different occasions if she had simply known the truth. Rhea would’ve never be able to take advantage of her. She wouldn’t have been alone and scared when she was desperately trying to save Sam. And she would’ve had someone to turn to when Lex tried to manipulate her again.

“ _Please. Just…just…just stop. Stop believing me, okay? I am not worth it.”_

“Stop it.” Kara tries to push back against the memories but they only flood into her mind faster.

“ _Kara Danvers, you, are my hero.”_

“No.” Kara’s hands fly up and grip the sides of her head. No, she’s not a hero.

“ _I will always protect you. I promise.”_ Kara’s own voice echos in her head.

“Liar!” She shouts and falls to her knees and starts sobbing. She wasn’t a hero, she was a liar. That’s all she ever did to Lena. She lied over and over again. And that promise to protect her, she broke that promise more times than she could count.

“Kara?” A hand gently touches her shoulder. She can barely feel it through her screaming mind. “Kara, try and listen to me. Focus on my voice. Okay? Can you do that? Nod if you understand.” Kara feels herself nodding without fully registering what the person is saying. “Good. Now I want you to keep focusing on my voice. Focus on the ground beneath you. Can you feel how solid it is? How it’s supporting your weight? Now breathe Kara. Slowly. Just breathe and think about how solid the ground feels, and how my voice sounds. Just keep breathing.”

Kara finds herself listening to the words being spoken to her. She feels the cold, hard floor pressing into her knees. She feels the weight of a soothing hand rubbing her back. And finally, she breathes. She gasps for air. It feels like the first breath she’s taken since she saw Lena bleeding on the ground. Kara turns to the person kneeling beside her. Kelly.

“I lied to her.” Kara whimpers. “I promised I’d protect her, and now….. Maybe she was right. Maybe there wasn’t a single honest moment in our friendship. Not on my part anyway.”

“Kara I…. I could offer you a multitude of platitudes that might make you feel better, but i’m not going to do that. Mostly because I haven’t been around long enough to know all the facts about what went on between you and Lena. But also, because in the long run, it won’t do you any good.” Kelly speaks in a calm voice, but in a tone that demands attention. “What I am going to offer you is facts. And the facts are, that no matter what has happened between you and Lena in the past, it’s clear you both still care for each other. So right now, Lena, someone you care for, is hurt. Badly. And you feel helpless. And you’d give anything to be able to just do something to help her. But Kara, there _is_ something you can do.” Kara turns sharply to Kelly.

“What? What can I do?” Kara says in a pleading voice.

“You can stand up, stand tall, and be strong.” Says Kelly. Kara frowns at the woman.

“How…. Rao Kelly, how would that help? How could that possibly make a difference?”

“It makes all the difference Kara. Trust me. I know. I’ve been where you are. And believe me, it would’ve been easy to just fall apart. I wanted to. But it doesn’t help. It only makes everything worse. It only hurts you and everyone around you, including Lena.” Kelly takes a deep breath and looks Kara in the eye. “I can’t tell you that everything is going to be okay. Because no matter the out come, it probably won’t be. At least not for awhile. And I’m not saying you can’t breakdown or fall apart, you can, and it’s okay if you do. But not right now. Because right now you need to be strong for Lena, so that when those doors open and we get the news we’ve been waiting for, we can make that moment about Lena, and not about ourselves. Because that is what people who fall or are injured in the line of duty deserve. That’s their moment, not ours. Ours will come later.” Kelly stands up and holds out a hand to Kara. “So what will you do Supergirl?” Kara grabs hold of Kelly’s hand and lets her help her to her feet.

“Lena deserves so much more than just a single moment.” Kara says while trying to wipe the tears from her face.

“Why don’t we just take it one moment at a time for now?” Kelly offers a grim smile.

“That might be for the best.” Kara clears her throat and looks around the room she’s in for the first time. It’s more of a hallway than a room. There’s a few chairs resting against the walls. It looks like they were placed there recently. She wonders why no one else is here. “Where is everyone?”

“I think they’re all here. Just in different parts of the building.” Says Kelly. “Jess said there were a lot of things she needed to take care of and she took Eve to help her.”

“What about the team?” Kelly winces a bit. Kara felt panic rise up in her again. She had forgotten about everyone else. There fight and its outcome.

“Everyone’s alive. Leviathan’s been defeated, though I’m not exactly clear on the details.” Kara can tell Kelly is holding something back.

“What aren’t you telling me?” Kara asks. Kelly rubs a hand through her hair and lets out an exhausted sigh.

“Brainy is in bad shape. Some sort of radiation poisoning. Nia and J’onn brought him here since the Tower isn’t really set up to offer medical help. Jess, acting on Lena’s previous orders to give Supergirl and her associates anything they want or need, gave them full access and a team of approved scientists to help.” Kelly tells her.

“Even unconscious and fighting for her life, Lena still manages to out do everyone.” Kara says with a sharp laugh that could easily turn into a cry. “Will he be okay?”

“I don’t know.” Says Kelly. “J’onn and Nia are just holding tight, waiting for some news. Same as us.”

“I…. I should’ve asked about them sooner.” Says Kara as she starts to pace.

“You were dealing with a lot.”

“But they’re my team! My friends, my….my family. Same as Lena.” Says Kara. “They were out fighting, putting their lives on the line, and I didn’t even think about them or anything else until now.” Kara walks over and sinks down into one of the chairs in the hallway.

“But like you said, you care for Lena the same way you care for all of your family.” Kelly says while sitting down next to Kara. “And you saw her hurt right in front of you. It’s only natural for you to focus more on what’s happening right before you.”

“But I don’t.” Kara looks at Kelly with fresh tears in her eyes. “I don’t care for Lena the same way I care for the others, or anyone else in the world.”

“What do you mean?” Kelly asks. Kara suddenly stands back up and starts pacing again.

“Lena’s different. She’s always been different. Special. I…. it’s always been Lena.”

“What does that mean? It’s always been Lena.” Kelly leans forward in her seat.

“It means…. It’s just….It’s Lena! Okay! It’s just Lena.” Kara throws her hands up in the air. “From the first moment I met her I just….. their was this… I couldn’t have stayed away even if I had wanted to. And I didn’t want to. I needed her! I still need her. I don’t….. I can’t explain it.”

“Maybe you should try.” Says Kelly.

“I really don’t need a therapist right now Kelly.”

“While I strongly disagree with that statement, I’m not trying to be a therapist right now. I’m just trying to be a friend helping another friend.” Kara stops moving and looks at Kelly, sitting there and willing to listen. Listen to her thoughts about Lena. Something pretty much everyone else in her life has never truly done. Kara walks back and sits next to Kelly, but focuses her gaze on her hands.

“You know, just over a year after I met Lena, there was this really bad day. There was this huge fire in this apartment building, with over twenty people stuck inside. And at the same moment, on the other side of the city, there was a hostage situation at a bank. And at the DEO an alien broke out and was throwing agents around. I was just….frozen, for a moment. Completely overwhelmed by the countless cries for help coming from all around me. And I knew…. I just knew that when all was said and done with, that I wouldn’t be able to save them all. And I just felt so…… But then I heard something. Through all the chaos I heard it. Strong, steady, reliable. And I focused on that sound, until it was the only thing I heard. It was Lena. Her heartbeat.

It grounded me. And I was able to do what needed to be done. Alex said she had the DEO covered. There was a chance that the police could come to a peaceful resolution at the bank. So I went where I knew people would die if I didn’t help. I had that fire out and every person safe and sound in under thirty minutes. In the exact moment that I finished dealing with the fire, I heard gunshots. I flew to the bank as fast as I could, but it was already over with. One cop dead, two civilians on their way to the hospital in critical condition, and all four of the bank robbers where shot dead.

When I got back to the DEO they where busy cleaning up after finally getting the alien back into containment. There were several wounded agents. Including Alex, she was covered in cuts and bruises, but she was still marching around giving orders. Because that’s just who Alex is, and there were other agents that were worse off in the infirmary. One of them wouldn’t make it through the night. There was nothing I could do, so I just left. Changed out of my suit and I just..started walking. Didn’t realize where I was going until I was standing in front of L-corp. Throughout everything that had happened, I never stopped listening to Lena’s heartbeat.

It was late. Past midnight. I wasn’t surprised that Lena was still there. So I walked in. No one tried to stop me. They never did. Lena made sure of that. I made my way up to her office, and walked inside. She was at her desk. Buried in what looked like a months worth of paperwork. She looked exhausted. But when she looked up at me, she smiled. But only for a second. She could tell something was wrong almost immediately. She was up and out of her desk before I could say anything. And she hugged me. Which might not seem like a big deal, but it is for Lena. But she didn’t hesitate to comfort me.

I just sort of collapsed into her and started crying. I couldn’t tell you how long she held me, but it was for quite a long time. And she didn’t ask anything of me. She didn’t demand to know what was wrong. She didn’t tell me that everything was going to be okay. The only thing she said was I’ve got you.

I never told her how much those words meant to me. _I’ve got you_. Sometimes it felt like I had to hold up the world, and on that day it felt like I had dropped it. But right there, in Lena’s arms, with her telling me I’ve got you, I felt so safe. And I felt like I could let the world go for a little while, because Lena was with me, carrying my weight, which meant she was carrying the world too. And everything didn’t feel so heavy anymore.

After a while, when I had calmed down, she walked me to her car and drove me home. Neither of us said a word. Not in the car, not as she walked me up to my apartment, and not as she helped me into bed. She sat with me while I fell asleep. And right when I was drifting off, I heard her. She whispered, “I’ve always got you Kara. No matter what. I’m here.”

I brought her lunch to her office the next day. I wasn’t sure what I was going to say. I still hadn’t come up with a good excuse by the time I was walking through her doors. And she just smiled at me. Told me what a lifesaver I was for bring her lunch and giving her a chance to take a much needed break. I didn’t say much throughout our lunch together. I felt like I needed to address what happened, I just didn’t know how.

Towards the end of the visit, Lena set down her food an turned to me. And she said, “Do you know what makes you such a great friend Kara?” And I asked her what. And she said, “Because you are always there for me, before I even know I need you. I can simply have a bad day or I can feel like my world is falling down around me, and there you are. You burst into the room like sunshine through an open window. Offering food, a hug, or some odd story that has me laughing instead of crying like I would’ve been had you not shown up. And it dawned on me that I’ve never properly thanked you for all that you do for me. But then I realized, well, you made me realize, that real friendships don’t need proper thank you’s or explanations. It just needs two people who are willing to be what the other needs, whenever they need it. Don’t you agree.”

She knew I didn’t want to talk about why I broke down crying in her office in the middle of the night. So she let me off the hook in the most amazing way possible. But that’s just Lena. Constantly amazing.” Kara finally looks up at Kelly. “I’m not sure when, or why it happened. But Lena became my……my greatest weakness, while simultaneously being my greatest strength. And I have no idea how to live with that, but I also don’t know how I would live without it.”

“Wow.” Kelly says, leaning back in her chair. “That’s….. intense.”

“Yeah. I realize that.”

“I know I said I was here as a friend and not a therapist, but Kara, putting someone up on a pedestal like that isn’t healthy.”

“No. You don’t get it!” Kara says sharply.

“Well, then explain it to me.” Kelly says patiently.

“I know Lena isn’t perfect. I know her flaws, her unreasonably large amount of baggage. I know when she’s in the wrong. I see her clearly, for what she really is. Just a person trying desperately to make it through each day, hoping that she might find a little bit of happiness along the way. I have never put her above me or anyone else.”

“Then what makes her so special to you?”

“It’s because she isn’t on a pedestal. That’s part of what makes her special. She’s……she’s the only person who feels like my equal.” Kara says. “Alex, I love her, but I can’t help but to always hold her up above myself and others. And I know that’s hard on her, but I can’t help it. I look up to J’onn too, and Kal. And then there are others, like Winn, even James, who put me on a pedestal when they found out who I really was. Either way, everyone, no matter how much I loved and cared for them, felt unreachable. Until Lena. Never, not once, did I feel less than when I was with her. And I should have because, well, she was Lena Luthor, and I was just Kara. But we were always on equal footing without even trying. And it was the same when we were together when I was Supergirl, even before she knew the truth. She acknowledged and excepted what and who I was, but she never held me to a higher standard. I was just a person with her. She saw me clearly, just like I saw her. And for the first time since I landed on earth, I truly felt like I belonged.”

“Kara. Does Lena know that you feel this way?” Asks Kelly.

“I….I’m not sure. We…..there’s so much we never got to say. I thought we had more time.” Kara can feel the tears starting to build back up in her eyes.

“You still might have all the time in the world. You can’t know what will happen.” Kelly takes one of Kara’s hands.

“And I might have no time at all.” Kara looks up at the door that separates her from Lena. “How long have they been in there?”

“Going on four hours.” Answers Kelly.

“Is that good or bad?”

“I couldn’t say.” Kelly says. They sit together in silence for a few moments, but the quiet starts to agitate Kara. Kelly can tell she’s slipping away again. “You know, we should clean you up a bit, it might make you feel better.” Kara frowns and follows Kelly’s gaze to her hands. Blood. They’re caked in dried blood. It’s on her suit too. Lena’s blood. There’s so much of it.

“I….. I didn’t realize. Rao….Lena, she….. it’s.” Kara jumps from her seat and starts trying to wipe the old blood away, but it’s no use.

“Kara. Kara! It’s okay, it’s fine. We can get you cleaned up, there’s a restroom right down the hall.” Kelly grabs hold of Kara’s hands and tries to hold her in place.

“NO!.....no. I promised Lena I wouldn’t leave.” Kara says, standing still again.

“Okay. Well why don’t you get out of that suit, and I’ll go get something to clean you up.”

“Yeah. Yes, that….that’d be great Kelly. Thank you.” Kara says, trying to force her self to stay somewhat calm. For Lena’s sake.

“Okay. I’ll be right back.”

It takes Kelly over an hour to wash the blood off of Kara’s face and hands, getting every speck out from under her fingernails. Her suit protected the rest of her from getting blood anywhere else. Kara has to admit, she does feel better. Not just because she is now clean of blood, but because she’s now sitting there dressed as Kara, instead of Supergirl. It feels right. Like Lena would prefer it to have her waiting as kara instead of a Super.

“Thank you.” Kara whispers to Kelly as the woman throws the blood stained rags away.

“It was nothing.” Kelly waves her off.

“No Kelly. It was everything. So thank you.” Kelly looks up at Kara and smiles.

“You’re welcome.” She says as she settles back down next to Kara. “I care about you Kara. Not just because you’re my girlfriend’s sister. But because you’ve become my friend and I really, truly care about you.”

“I care about you too. And not just because Alex threatened me with kryptonite to be nice to you.” Kara manages an almost real smile. Kelly chuckles lightly.

“Your sister is something else.” She says.

“She sure is.” Kara looks back at those doors. “You know she’ll be the one to come through those doors and tell us about Lena. She’ll insist on being the one to tell us.”

“Well, weather the news is good or bad, she knows it will be better coming from her.” Says Kelly.

“Part of me thinks it might be better if she never walks in here. Like I’d rather just wait here forever then risk bad news. Does that make sense?” Asks Kara.

“Perfect sense. But believe me. Knowing is always better than not knowing.” Says Kelly.

“I’m not so sure about that.” Kara says as she continues to stare at the doors. Doors that stay closed for another four hours and eighteen minutes. When Alex walks through, Kelly and Kara both leap from their seats.

Kara looks at her sister. Their eyes finally meet. Kara’s stomach drops. Because for the first time since Alex and her became close, she can’t decipher the look on her sister’s face. And that scares Kara to death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment and tell me what you thought. And as alway, if there is anything you think this story is missing, or there is something you want to see happen, please tell me. I love new ideas!
> 
> \- EchoMayday


	4. Loosing You and All I’ve left

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you enjoy this next installment.

Kara’s Song

**Loosing You - Koethe**

**So close that I,**   
**Never felt so far**

**Golden skies**   
**Lead me to where you are**   
**Oh**

**And I know**   
**That I know**   
**And you don't**   
**And in a memory**   
**Where does the past return to me?**

**So I will**   
**Or I won't**   
**In another mind**

**What are you thinking?**   
**Why do I have to watch it end?**

**And where are you going?**   
**Am I loosing you again?**   
**(Are we ever going to win)**

**Another world**   
**And another life**

**Take me back**   
**Take me back**   
**To another time**   
**And is the fault still mine?**

**What is it you're thinking?**   
**Why do I have to watch it end?**

**And where are you going?**   
**God I'm loosing you again**   
**(Are we ever going to win)**

**An hourglass and a renegade**   
**Familiar faces with new charades**

**And all is done and the price is paid**   
**But I can't sleep in the bed I've made**

**A tattered hearth and a silver line**   
**Little pieces of wasted time**

**A lovers smile and a cold embrace**   
**Ask to help you to leave this place**

**I don't know**   
**No I don't know**

**What are you thinking?**   
**Why do I have to watch it end?**

**And where are you going?**   
**No I'm not loosing you again**

**Not loosing you again no**   
**No I'm not loosing you not loosing you again**

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

“Alex?” Kara freezes just a few feet away from her sister. Alex winces at the sound of her sister’s desperate, pleading voice. She’s never heard Kara sound so fragile. She feels as if Kara might break with what she has to say. And she really doesn’t want to break her sister. So her words get caught in her throat. “Please. Just tell me. Is she…..”

“Lena’s alive.” Alex says quickly. Kara nearly falls to the floor from relief. She manages to stay upright and takes a few deep, shaky breaths. Kara feels so grateful and overwhelmed to have Lena alive, that she completely misses the look of pain and sadness that overtakes her sister’s face. But Kelly sees it. She goes to Alex and takes one of her hands. Alex holds on to Kelly like a lifeline, but keeps her gaze set straight ahead. She’s afraid if she looks into her girlfriends eyes, she’ll fall apart. And she can’t do that right now.

“Kara.” Alex gets her sister’s attention. “Lena’s alive, but…. It’s just…. It’s more complicated than that.” Kara frowns.

“What do you mean?” All Kara had been thinking about, wishing for, was for Lena to live. That was all she wanted. As long as Lena was alive, everything was going to be okay. But then why did Alex look so crushed?

“Why don’t we sit down.” Says Alex.

“No, I don’t want to sit down. I just want you to tell me why Lena being alive is complicated.” Kara demands.

“Kara, please.” Alex begs. Kara suddenly takes in her sister’s appearance. Her exposed skin is dotted with cuts and bruises, her eyes are bloodshot, and she’s swaying on her feet as if she might collapse from exhaustion any second now. Kara feels a fresh wave of guilt hit her. She doesn’t know the last time Alex got any rest. She fought against Leviathan and than spent hours in surgery with Lena.

“I… I’m sorry Alex. Yeah, let’s sit.” Kara pulls a chair up for Alex and Kelly. Once they sit, she forces herself to sit down in front of Alex.

“Okay Kara.” Alex leans forward and puts a comforting hand over Kara’s fidgeting fingers. “I’m going to tell you everything. It…. It won’t be easy to hear, but you need to hear it. But I want you to promise that you’ll just stay here, and stay calm, at least until I’m done talking. Can you do that?” The sense of relief Kara felt earlier was quickly fading. She looks up at Kelly. Remembering what the woman told her. This is about Lena. It’s her moment. She needs to stay strong for her.

“I promise.” Kara whispers. Alex gives her hand a gentle squeeze before leaning back in her chair.

“There were….are a lot of complications with Lena’s health. I…. I looked at the surveillance video of the lab. I and the other Doctors thought that… that it would help if we knew how she got injured. While you were in the VR, someone came into the lab with a large piece of kryptonite. Lena tried to stop them, but, they stabbed her in the back with it. They then tried to drag Lena, and the kryptonite, closer to you. Lena pulled the kryptonite out of herself, and used it to injure the attacker. And than she got the kryptonite away from you. This caused a lot of damage. And before you say anything, I already have J’onn going after the attacker.”

“It’s all my fault.” Kara says. “She….she shouldn’t of…”

“She saved your life. She did what anyone of us would have done if we were in her position. What you would’ve done. If you got hurt saving her life, it wouldn’t be her fault. So don’t blame yourself.” Says Alex.

“No. I left her all alone in there. It was stupid to think someone wouldn’t try and come for me. To stop me. And she was alone. With no way to protect herself. I should’ve never put her in that position.” Kara clenches her hands into fists as she struggles to stay in control.

“Kara..”

“No!” Kara interrupts Alex. “I….this doesn’t matter right now. Just….. tell me about Lena.” Alex goes to argue, but a look from Kelly tells her not to push the issue. At least not right now.

“Alright.” Alex sighs. “So the first couple of hours in surgery was just spent trying to get her stabilized. She had lost a lot of blood, and she was still bleeding internally from her liver and into her left lung. When we finally got the bleeding under control, we tried to work on her spine. She had three broken and displaced vertebrae and her spinal cord was almost completely severed. If she had been at another hospital, she wouldn’t have made it through the surgery. The technology and advancements they have here are the only things that got her through this far.”

“But that’s good right?” Asks Kara. “I mean…she’s going to be fine…..right?”

“No.” Alex looks down, unable to face her sister. “She isn’t going to be fine.”

“What? I… I don’t understand.” Kara is fighting to keep the panic down, to keep her mind clear and wrap her head around what Alex is saying.

“Kara…. She wasn’t breathing when I got here. And her heart stopped five more times during surgery. Each time it took a couple of minutes to get it started again. Each time her heart stopped, her brain wasn’t getting any oxygen. She was bleeding into her lungs, essentially drowning, which also deprived her of oxygen. And her spinal damage is so extensive that….she can no longer breathe on her own and her heart isn’t beating on it’s own. Technically, Lena is alive. But the only thing keeping her that way is a bunch of machines.”

“But….but that….she’s alive. She’ll just need…. Time. It’ll just take time for her to recover.” Kara can feel the false hope in her statement. But she can’t help it.

“Kara. You need to understand.” Alex runs her hands down her face before leaning in close to Kara and making her look her in the eye. “Lena’s brain function is low. Too low. She’s in a coma. And…. Kara, it isn’t likely she’ll wake up. Ever.”

“Just because it isn’t likely, doesn’t mean it won’t happen.” Kara knows if anyone can beat the odds, it’s Lena.

“Kara you….” Alex takes a deep breath and tries to not get frustrated at her sister. “Okay. Yes. There’s a small chance that she’ll wake up. So I’m going to tell you the best case scenario for Lena’s condition. If she wakes up, she will have some level of brain damage. I can’t tell how bad it would be, or what it would effect, but she won’t be the same. And that’s just her brain. Despite an amazing team of doctors with all the best technology, Lena will never walk again. She’ll never be able to breathe on her own again. She is completely paralyzed. She would spend the rest of her life in a hospital bed, with a breathing tube down her throat, and unable to do anything other than blink. And really, depending on the level of brain damage she suffered, blinking might not even be an option.”

Kara can’t take it anymore. She jumps out of her seat and moves away from Alex. Turning her back to her sister. She lets her tears fall silently down her face. This can’t be real. This cant be it for Lena. She’s too important. It can’t end like this. This wasn’t how it should be. Lena Luthor was never meant to die young.

“So….what now.” Kara asks without turning to face her sister.

“Lena is still in critical condition. She might not make it….. make it through the night. But if she does, there is still a high chance that her body will start to fail in the next few days. And beyond that…. Jess is headed with information and instructions that Lena left if something happened to her. Lena’s will might be among the information. It should…. Tell us what her wishes are in a situation like this.” Alex tells Kara.

“No…..no that’s not what I meant. I….” Kara turns towards her sister. “I’m not just going to sit back and give up. We need to find a way to save her!” Kara feels anger bubble up in her chest. Why is Alex so ready to just let Lena go?

“There is no way to save her. There isn’t anything more we can do.” Alex gets up and walks to Kara, but Kara backs away.

“But we have…..technology, resources, knowledge. The DEO…..”

“Is gone. The DEO is gone Kara. And there wasn’t anything there that would help anyway.”

“You’re wrong. There’s always something. There’s always a way. We do it all the time. We get backed into a corner, with no way out, no way to win, but we keep fighting. We fight and we don’t give up, and we find a way to save the world. We’ve done it over and over again. But this time, we aren’t fighting to save thousands or millions or even billions. Just one. One person. Lena. It’s Lena, Alex. Are you telling me that we can go out there and stop the world from exploding, but we can’t save one fucking person?” Kara shouts.

“We’re not fighting against some threat or bad guy Kara. There’s nothing to fight against here. The fight is already over. We can’t always win, Kara.” Alex says calmly, which only makes Kara more angry.

“Would you give up so easily if it were Kelly? Or me?” Kara marches in close to her sister. “You have always been so quick to give up on Lena. Do you even care?”

“Of course I care about Lena!”

“Really? Do you? Because just a few months ago, you were ready to kill her. Even though you were given other options. Even when I told you that Lena would never actually harm anyone. What she was doing was wrong, but it didn’t give you enough reason to kill her. The fact that killing her was even an option, let alone your first choice, is just…..it really shows me how much you care about Lena.” Kara yells at Alex.

“That isn’t fair Kara. You know I didn’t want to hurt Lena. The world was in danger, and that had to come first.” Alex argues.

“That doesn’t mean you care about her.” Kara says. “I was a much bigger threat to the world when I was infected with red-k. Did you ever consider killing me?”

“Of course not!” Alex shouts.

“But you did with Lena!”

“Your my sister!”

“So I’m more important than Lena?!”

“Yes!” Alex screams. “Yes, you are more important to me than Lena. What’s wrong with that? I’m always going to make you a priority over a lot of other people. Everyone cares about some people more than others. And there’s nothing wrong with that. But that doesn’t mean for a single second that I wouldn’t risk my own life to save Lena. I put myself, my friends, and my family at risk every day to save complete strangers. So don’t you dare say that I wouldn’t give whatever it would take to save Lena. And don’t say I don’t care about her. Because I just spent hours watching my friend bleed and suffer on the operating table, and it took everything I had not to fall apart seeing her like that. And I have to live with those images in my head for the rest of my life. So don’t…. I know you love Lena. But that doesn’t give you the right to tell me that I don’t care. That my heart isn’t breaking like yours.” Alex is crying by the time she finishes talking. She walks away from Kara and lets herself fall into a chair. She buries her face in her hands and tries to smother the sound of her sobs. Kelly sits next to her and pulls her into her arms.

Kara’s anger is gone. She almost misses it, because all she feels now is helpless, worthless, and hollow. She shouldn’t have lashed out at Alex like that, but she can’t bring herself to apologize. Not yet anyway. Not when she’s overwhelmed as the reality of everything was sinking in. Was this really it?

“Ms. Danvers.” Kara looks up at the new voice. It’s Jess. She’s standing a few feet away from everyone, holding a black metal box in her hands. “I didn’t know you were here.”

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else.” Kara says with a raw voice.

“Ms. Luthor would be happy to know that you’re here.” Says Jess.

“I’m not so sure.” Says Kara.

“Ms. Danvers. It was….is my job, and privilege, to know what Ms. Luthor needs and wants better then she herself did. And I’m exceptional at my job. So believe me when I say that it would make her happy.” Says Jess before turning to Alex. “Agent Danvers.” Alex quickly stands and wipes her tears away.

“Is that the information you were talking about?” Alex points to the box Jess is holding, trying to put her professional face back on.

“It is.” Says Jess. “Ms. Luthor has been working on this for the last few months. She told me to make sure to get it to one of the Danvers or Supergirl if anything were to happen to her.”

“What is it?” Asks Alex.

“I wasn’t sure at first.” Says Jess. “Ms. Luthor used to tell me everything. Than one day, some months ago, she changed. It was like she was a completely different person. She was withdrawn, and guarded. Secretive. She didn’t tell me anything anymore. I don’t know what happened to her. I still don’t. But after about two or three weeks of shutting me out, she called me to her office and showed me this box. Told me what to do with it if something happened to her.”

“So months ago, she told you to give it to us?” Kara asks. Why would Lena do that? They were still completely at odds then. Lena had wanted nothing to do with her.

“Yes. She said no one else would do the right thing with it.” Says Jess.

“What is it?” Asks Alex again.

“I kept seeing her add things to the box all the time. She started to confide in me again. Only slightly. It was information about her brother. I thought she was trying to take the company from him. Which shocked me. She loved her brother, they were so close. When I asked her about her brother , she told me that Mr. Luthor was dangerous. That he was going to hurt a lot of people. That every good thing I thought I knew about him was a lie, and that I should never trust him.” Jess tells them.

“And you believed her?” Asks Alex.

“I greatly respect Ms. Luthor. And I know she wouldn’t lie to me. I trust her.” Jess says. “And after she told me that, I started to add things to the box as well. Lists of people in the company or in positions of power that could be trusted. People that would side with Ms. Luthor, people that were indifferent, and people that would side with Mr. Luthor.”

“And all that is in that box?” Asks Kara.

“Yes, and much more. All organized on memory cards.” Says Jess.

“What else is in there?” Asks Alex.

“She didn’t tell me about a lot of what she put in there. But there are several that have detailed plans on how to salvage LuthorCorp in the wake of anything her brother did. These plans included scenarios that didn’t involve her. She was worried about how many people would loss there jobs or suffer if she simply let the company fall.” Says Jess. “When she couldn’t figure out what Mr. Luthor’s plans were, she started constructing different detailed plans for anything he might do. Hundreds of different situations, and outcomes for almost anything she could think of. They were always labeled the same way. _The one where Lex turns the sun red, the one where Lex gains control of a nuclear weapon_ , and countless others. She tried to plan for everything.

She gave me one more the other day. She said it was the most important one. It was labeled, _the one were the Luthors lose and the good guys win_. It was the only one I ever looked at before placing it in the box. It’s full of footage and tons of other evidence that completely incriminates and discredits Mr. Luthor. But….the way everything is put together on it….it makes Ms. Luthor look complicit in all of his wrong doings. I don’t know why she did that. It’s not true. And…. I know I promised her that I would give this to you. But I can’t. Not unless you promise me that you’ll not only leave Ms. Luthor out of it, but that you’ll make sure the world knows that she fought to stop her brother. That she’s a Hero.” Jess tightens her hold on the box and blinks back tears.

Kara walks up to Jess and puts her hands over hers, holding the box with her.

“If I can’t guarantee that the world will look at Lena like the greatest hero they’ve ever seen, then I won’t let a single bit of this information out. Even if that means letting Lex get away for now. I’ll find a way to stop him. But I won’t risk Lena to do it.” Kara swears to her. A single tear escapes from Jess as she hands Kara the box.

“It’s a biometric lock. You’re one of the few people that can open it.” Says Jess. “I need to go. I have a lot of work to do. Ms. Luthor is counting on me. I can’t let her down.” Jess turns around quickly, trying to hide her tears as she walks away. Once Jess is out of sight, Kara turns to her sister.

“She was never on Lex’s side.” Says Kara. “She never trusted him. She was fighting against him in secret all this time. I…. I lost faith in her. I….. gave up.”

“Kara.” Alex wants to comfort her sister, but knows she can’t make this better. Kara walks back to the chairs and sits with the box in her lap. She presses her hand on the scanner on top and it opens for her. Inside are all the labeled memory cards, just like Jess said. And one letter. It’s addressed to her. With shaking hands, Kara opens the letter. It contains a few legal documents and a small note written in Lena’s hand writing.

_Kara, no matter how I feel about you, or how you feel about me. At the end of the day, you will be the hero that puts the greater good first. Our trust in each other doesn’t matter. What matters is protecting innocent people from my brother . And if you’re reading this, than I’m no longer able to stop Lex myself. And I know that you are the only other person in the world that can do it. I suppose, despite everything, I still believe in you._

_\- Lena_

“Kara, do you see this?” Asks Alex. Kara pulls her tear filled eyes from Lena’s letter and looks at her sister. She’s holding the other papers that were in the letter in her hand.

“What is it?” Kara asks weakly.

“It’s a lot of legal paperwork, but basically, it states who is in charge of making medical decisions if Lena isn’t capable of making her own.” Alex says.

“Who is it?”

“It’s you Kara.”

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Lena’s Song

**All I’ve Left - Koethe**

**I remember how the world fell around me**   
**I remember every moment as they pass**   
**I remember how reality hit slowly**   
**I remember how the answers came too fast**

**And all I've left**   
**The mess I've made in my regret**   
**The moment gone and turned to rust**   
**I wish that that could be enough**

**I remember how the world moved in envy**   
**I remember this like fire on my skin**   
**I remember how the phantoms floated past me**   
**I remember how finality sank in**

**And all I've left**   
**The mess I've made in my regret**   
**The moment gone and turned to rust**   
**And all I've left**   
**The pillages of ill intent**   
**The spoils settle with the dust**

**And all I've left**   
**The momentary innocence**   
**The memory of minutes left and lost**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Please leave a comment and tell me your thoughts.
> 
> \- EchoMayday


	5. Vacant Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this chapter.

**Kara and Lena’s song**

**Vacant Eyes – Hayd (ft. Libby Knowlton)**

**I see you're falling slow**   
**You think you're safe, but you're on a rope**   
**I'm scared cause I don't know**   
**If you'll be here, when I wake tomorrow**   
**I won't give up I know you'll come around**   
**I won't lose faith I know you'll come back home**

**I see that you're slipping, and your mind is missing**   
**There's vacancy in your eyes**   
**You're tumbling through the sky**   
**I see that you're slipping and your mind is missing**   
**There's vacancy in your eyes**   
**You're tumbling through the sky**

**I know I'm sinking deep**   
**I say I'm fine, but I'm struggling to breathe**   
**I can't hold back my tears**   
**It seems like every night I cry myself to sleep**   
**I feel so lost could someone come save me**   
**I swam away and now I'm lost at sea**

**I see that you're slipping and your mind is missing**   
**There's vacancy in your eyes**   
**You're tumbling through the sky**   
**I see that you're slipping and your mind is missing**   
**There's vacancy in your eyes**   
**You're tumbling through the sky**

**Wherever you are**   
**And wherever you've been**   
**I don't care at all**   
**I just miss my friend**   
**Wherever you are**   
**And wherever you've been**   
**I don't care at all**   
**I just miss my friend**

**I see that you're slipping and your mind is missing**   
**There's vacancy in your eyes**   
**You're tumbling through the sky**   
**I see that you're slipping and your mind is missing**   
**There's vacancy in your eyes**   
**You're tumbling through the sky**

**Wherever you are**   
**And wherever you've been**   
**I don't care at all**   
**I just miss my friend**

  
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_Kara focuses her hearing on L-Corp. Her growing panic dies away at the steady sound of Lena’s heartbeat. Kara lets out a sigh of relief, and relaxes in her chair. Lena’s fine. She’s safe and hard at work in her office. Kara glances down at her phone and frowns. Lena was supposed to meet her for breakfast over an hour ago, and she hasn’t answered any of Kara’s texts this morning, or the phone call Kara made before breaking down and using her super hearing to listen for her friend. It wasn’t like Lena. Kara always understood whenever Lena couldn’t make it to something they had planned. Lena is the CEO of two huge companies, of course she understood. But Lena always lets her know if she can’t make it. Or even if she’s going to be a few minutes late._

_Kara quickly gathers up her things and orders a coffee and pastry for Lena before heading to L-Corp. Kara hopes she’s overreacting, but she can’t shake the feeling that something isn’t right. She listens to Lena’s heartbeat, letting it calm her as she makes her way to her friend’s office. Jess is outside at her desk, as always, talking on the phone to someone about rescheduling a meeting. She looks Kara over before giving her head a tired shake and waves Kara into Lena’s office. Kara knows it pains the woman to let her through without question, so Kara always at least pauses and pretends that she needs Jess’s permission to enter._

_Kara quietly slips into Lena’s office, closing the door behind her. Lena is sitting at her desk, hunched over a stack of paperwork. She’s resting her head against one of her hands, her lips move silently as she reads to herself. Kara walks closer to her desk, but Lena still does nothing to acknowledge Kara’s presence._

_“Lena?” Kara speaks softly, but Lena still jumps at the sound of her voice. She’s halfway out of her chair before she realizes it’s Kara and not some intruder._

_“Kara. You surprised me. I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you come in.” Lena takes a deep breath to steady her nerves before making her way around her desk to Kara._

_“No, I’m the one that should be sorry. I should’ve knocked.” Kara says as she sets the breakfast she got for Lena on the table._

_“You never need to knock. I’ve told you a hundred times that you’re always welcome here.” Lena smiles. Kara notices that Lena’s smile is a bit strained, and her eyes look glassy and exhausted. “So what brings you here.”_

_“Well, I was just a little bit worried about you. I wanted to check in and make sure you were alright.” Kara plays with her glasses. “Oh, and I brought you some breakfast.”_

_“Why would you be worried about me?” Lena frowns. “Did something happen?”_

_“Um….well.” Kara knows Lena will feel guilty about forgetting to meet her this morning, but she doesn’t know what else to say. “It’s just…. When you didn’t show up for breakfast this morning or answer any of my texts, I thought something might’ve happened.” Lena’s face falls as she remembers the plans she made with Kara the other day._

_“Oh my god. Kara I’m so sorry.” She runs her hands over her face. “I’m…the day just got away from me and…..Shit, my phone must have died.” Lena turns to her desk and starts moving her paperwork around, looking for her phone._

_“It’s okay Lena, really.” Kara says as she watches her friend become more and more distressed. She moves to Lena and puts her hand on her shoulder, but Lena moves away from her touch._

_“No. It’s not okay. I left you waiting there without a call or a text. God, it’s almost 11, how long did you wait?” Lena turns to her, looking almost frantic. She doesn’t look like her normal, put together self. Her hair is beginning to fall from her usually pristine bun, and her clothes are wrinkled. Her clothes. The same clothes she was wearing yesterday when Kara had lunch with her. Kara’s eyes widen as she realizes that Lena never went home last night._

_“You stayed up working all night.” Kara states as a fact, not needing to ask._

_“That doesn’t matter. It doesn’t excuse me just forgetting about you.” Lena says, her hands fidgeting at her sides. Kara walks up to Lena, and gently takes her hands into hers, trying to dispel her nervous energy._

_“It does when you probably didn’t even realize what day it is.” Kara says. “You must be completely exhausted.”_

_“It’s not the first time I’ve had to work through the night.” Lena looks down at her hands, silently enjoying the feeling of Kara’s warm skin as she runs her thumbs over her knuckles._

_“I’m well aware. Especially since you did the same thing the night before last.” Kara frowns and shakes her head. “I’m almost afraid to ask how long you’ve gone without sleep.”_

_“I’m….I’m really not sure.” Lena’s eyes close and she started to sway as she finally lets her body feel the pure exhaustion from the last few days. Kara quickly leads her to their couch and eases them both down._

_“You really need to take better care of yourself.” Kara says as she puts an arm around Lena and pulls the woman against her. Lena’s too tired to fight against the comfort Kara gives her. She melts into her friends embrace and lets her head rest on her shoulder._

_“There was just too much to do Kara. There’s always too much to do.” Lena’s voice shakes. “Between CatCo, L-Corp, and then Sam leaving. There’s just….. it’s a lot. There’s never enough hours in the day. Even with all the sleepless nights, I’m still constantly playing catch-up.” Kara feels guilty for not noticing how overworked Lena was sooner. Sam left nearly three weeks ago._

_“I’m sorry Lena. I knew you had more work than usual without Sam here. I just didn’t realize how much.” Kara pulls Lena in closer._

_“You don’t have anything to be sorry for. It’s just the way things are.” Lena says as she lets her full weight rest against Kara. “Sam will be back to work in Metropolis next week. It will free up more of my time.”_

_“You can’t go another week like this.” Kara says. “You need rest.”_

_“Haven’t you heard?” Lena says with a small smirk. “There’s no rest for the wicked.”_

_“That’s not funny Lena.” Kara hates it when Lena talks about herself in a negative way, even when she’s joking, because deep down, it’s never really a joke to her. And she really doesn’t like it when Lena doesn’t take her own well-being seriously._

_“Sorry.” Lena says when she feels Kara tense up at her words. “I need to laugh about it. Otherwise, I might start crying.”_

_“Is there anything I can do?” Kara asks._

_“You’re already doing it.” Lena sighs. Kara tries not to let her frustration show. She knows that she can’t give Lena the help she really needs. She doesn’t know the first thing about running a company. Especially a company as large and complex as L-Corp. She hates that simply sitting with Lena in her office is the best she can do for her. She deserves more than this. And Kara wishes she could be the one to give her more._

_“Maybe you can take some time off when Sam gets back.” Kara rests her head on top of Lena’s._

_“No, I can’t just dump all my problems on to Sam the second she comes back.” Lena says. “Not after everything she’s been through.”_

_“What about after Sam gets settled in? You can just take a few days to catch up on some rest.”_

_“I could try, but there’s always some kind of emergency going on, and I’ll always be a phone call away.” Lena can feel her eyes getting heavy as the need for sleep tries to overtake her while she relaxes in Kara’s arms._

_“What if you weren’t a phone call away. You could go somewhere. Somewhere no one can bother you.” Kara tries again._

_“Tempting.” Lena mumbles as she fights to stay awake._

_“Can you think of a place you can go?” Asks Kara._

_“Hmm. Well, there is one place I’d like to go.” Lena says without thinking._

_“Where?”_

_“It’s stupid.” Lena isn’t sure if she really wants to tell Kara. She’s never talked about this with anyone before. It was always her secret. Her safe place in her own mind._

_“I doubt that anything you think of could possibly be stupid.” Kara says. Lena can feel the love and unwavering belief Kara has in her pour from every word her friend speaks. Lena takes a deep breath and, with a tremendous amount of effort, pulls herself out of Kara’s hold so she can look her in the eye._

_“I’ve always wanted to go back to Ireland.” Lena says, finding it odd, but comforting, that she doesn’t feel the least bit self conscious under the gaze of her friend. “Not just Ireland, but……but where I was born. Where my mother raised me for the first four years of my life. I can’t remember the name of the town, or what part of Ireland it was, but I can still see it. I can close my eyes and remember it perfectly. Every sight, every sound, every smell. The way the air felt as the wind rushed through the tall grass and over my skin. If I could go anywhere, I’d go back there.”_

_“Why don’t you go there?” Kara asks as she takes in the wistful look on her friend’s face._

_“It’s just a silly daydream.” Lena says. “Just something I’ve always thought about when things were difficult. When I first moved in with the Luthors, I would dream about going back home. I knew my mother wouldn’t be there, but I still missed it. And when Lex lost his mind once and for all, I came close to buying a one way ticket to Ireland and leaving the Luthor name and all that came with it behind.”_

_“What stopped you?” Kara is hanging on Lena’s every word. It was always a rare and beautiful thing to watch the woman let her guard down and reveal a part of herself._

_“A lot of things. If I left, LuthorCorp would’ve completely collapsed. Countless people would’ve lost their jobs, and the remains of the business would have fallen into less then favorable hands. Someone like Morgan Edge could have done a lot of damage with the resources from LuthorCorp. Really, the only way I could make sure nothing bad would come of the wreckage Lex left behind, was to stay and take it over myself.” Lena explains. Kara looks at her with awe._

_“You’re amazing.” Kara says as she pulls Lena into a tight hug. “You’re amazing, and selfless, and brilliant. And you deserve everything. You deserve to go to Ireland.”_

_“It’s never going to happen.” Lena says, pulling away from Kara and giving her a soft smile. “It’s nothing but a childish dream. It wouldn’t be anything like I remembered, it’s just nice to think about now and then.” Kara wants to tell her that it isn’t childish. That she often dreamt about returning to Krypton. That if her home land still existed she would do whatever it took to see it again. That even seeing a fragment of what it was, Argo, was beyond anything she had imagined. But she doesn’t tell Lena this. Instead she takes hold of Lena’s hands again and looks her in the eye, trying to convey all her emotion in a single look and touch._

_“You should go back one day. Promise me that you will.” Kara holds Lena’s gaze. Lena is quiet for a few moments, unsure of why Kara is so insistent on this. But happy that Kara didn’t dismiss the idea. Happy that Kara was sitting here with her like her thoughts and feelings mattered. Like she was worthy._

_“Alright. I promise I’ll go back to Ireland one day. But only if you come with me.” Lena smiles brightly at Kara. Kara would give anything to keep that smile on her face._

_“Of course I’ll go. I can’t think of anything I’d love more than to go with you.” Kara gives Lena’s hand a gentle squeeze. Lena’s smile softens._

_“I don’t know what I did to deserve having you in my life.”_

_“You were just being you. How did you ever expect me to resist that?” Kara says. Lena chuckles and shakes her head, missing the serious look on Kara’s face. “Well, come on. We better get going.” Kara stands and pulls Lena up with her._

_“Where are we going?” Lena asks. “I didn’t forget anymore plans did I?”_

_“I’m taking you home so you can get some sleep.” Kara answers._

_“No Kara, I need to stay here. I don’t have time to go home and rest.” Lena says as Kara tries to pull her towards the door._

_“I guarantee that taking a few hours to sleep will be a lot less time consuming, and a lot less news worthy than a trip to the hospital after you collapse in one of your meetings from exhaustion.” Kara says. Lena stares at her for a few moments before throwing her hands up in defeat._

_“Fine. You’re right. It’s impossible to win an argument with you anyway.” Lena turns and grabs her coat and purse._

_“Only because I’m always right.” Kara tries not to let on how happy she is that Lena agreed with her so quickly._

_“Of course you are darling.” Lena says. Kara tries to hide the blush that blossoms on her cheeks at the sound of Lena calling her darling. “I’m going to regret leaving when I come back to ten times the work I have now.”_

_“That’s a problem for a well rested Lena to worry about.” Kara says as they both exit the office. The two continue to talk all the way to Lena’s apartment._

_For the next week, until Sam finally started working again, Kara shows up and drags Lena away from work. Making sure she gets at least a few hours of sleep each day. And while Kara is happy for Lena when her workload lightens and she returns to more reasonable hours, she can’t help but miss having an excuses to walk her home everyday._

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

“Kara?” Alex tries to get her sister’s attention. “Are you ready?” she asks. Kara looks at her sister than looks back at the door in front of her. The same door that she so desperately wanted to enter just hours before. The door that leads to Lena. The door that she, now, can’t bring herself to open. Alex had finally told her that she could see Lena, but she’s frozen. She’s terrified of what waits for her on the other side.

“I…. I don’t know what I should do Alex.” Kara feels her sister slip her hand into hers. They haven’t spoken much since opening the box Lena left. A box filled with plans for nearly every bad scenario Lena could think of. Each plan holding valuable information, access to an abundant amount of resources, schematics for buildings and weapons, even plans for a new DEO that wouldn’t be tainted by Lex’s involvement. It was amazing, and so very Lena. But for Kara, all of it paled in comparison to the letter Lena had written, and her desire for Kara to choose her fate should the worse thing happen. Because the worse did happen. And Lena has left her life in Kara’s hands. It feels much too heavy for her to hold.

“Just take one step at a time Kara. I’m right here.” Alex says. Her words don’t offer any comfort, but it’s all Kara needs to hear to help her push herself forward. She slips away from Alex and pushes her way through the door. Kara had tried her best to prepare herself, but her breath still got caught in her throat when her eyes fell on Lena.

Lena had always seemed larger than life itself to Kara. The woman before her didn’t look like her Lena at all. She looked small and fragile in the large hospital bed. Her skin was so pale that it looked blue. And she was surrounded and hooked up to so many machines, it looked like they might swallow her whole. The sound of her heartbeat was far from comforting. It didn’t sound like Lena at all, as one of the many machines she was connected to forced each pulse.

Kara feels fresh tears streaming down her face as she moves closer to Lena. She covers her mouth with her hands to muffle her sobs when she reaches Lena’s bedside. This isn’t right. This isn’t how this was supposed to be. Kara lets herself sit down in the chair that’s been placed by the bed. She’s sure Alex put it there for her.

With a trembling hand, she slowly reaches out to Lena. Her fingers graze the too cold skin on her hand. Kara gently uncurls Lena’s fingers and takes her hand, holding it like she’s done so many times, yet not nearly enough.

“I’m so sorry Lena. You were waiting for me, but I didn’t show up like I was supposed to. Like I promised you I would. I wasn’t there when you needed me. But I haven’t been there for you in a long time. I can’t believe you still trusted me after everything. I didn’t…….. I don’t deserve it. I can’t imagine that my word means much of anything to you anymore. But this time Lena……this time, I’ll keep my word. Please believe me when I say that I’m right hear Lena. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.” Kara whispers to her through her tears.

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Kara isn’t sure how long she sits there, holding Lena’s hand, watching her face, praying for her eyes to magically open. She tries to block out the rest of the world and put all her focus on Lena. But, as the night wears on, the tense sound of her sister and Kelly arguing slips past her focus and draws her attention to were their standing on the other side of the large room. They’re leaning close together, talking in hushed voices over something that Kelly keeps pointing to on one of the many computers that line the wall. Kara can’t even remember when they came in the room, too lost in her own world with Lena.

“It could work.” She hears Kelly whisper, not noticing that they had caught Kara’s attention. “There’s been research into situations like this.”

“It’s more likely that it won’t work at all.” Alex fires back.

“So we just shouldn’t try at all?” Kelly says. “We owe it to Lena to at least try. And Kara. Kara has been given an impossible choice. A heavy responsibility that is going to stay with her forever. She has the right to all the information and possible options available.”

“I’m not saying we shouldn’t try. I just….. I don’t want to give her false hope. I mean……even if this would work, what good would it really do? It could end up bringing more pain to both Lena and Kara. It could just end up prolonging everyone’s suffering.” Alex tells Kelly. “This….it won’t save Lena. If I thought for even a second that it would, I wouldn’t hesitate to try.”

“I’m not trying to save her life Alex. I’m just trying to give her something that I know I would want if I were in her position.” Kelly says.

“And what’s that?” Asks Alex.

“A chance. One last chance. One more moment, with someone she loves.” Kelly reaches up and wipes a tear from her girlfriends face. “Isn’t that what all of us want?” Kara pulls herself away from Lena and approaches Alex and Kelly.

“What are you talking about?” Kara asks, her voice raw from crying. Alex and Kelly jump apart, surprised by Kara after many failed attempts to engage her over the last few hours.

“Kara I….. what did you hear?” Alex says, knowing that there’s no point in trying to hide anything from her sister.

“Enough to know that there’s something you need to tell me. Something about Lena.” Kara says. Alex looks over at Kelly.

“Kelly….she had an idea. We’re not sure if it will work. There hasn’t been much testing done with it yet. It’s more of a theory.” Alex explains.

“What is it?” Kara asks.

“Before everything happened. We were just starting to research the use of Obsidian with people in a coma.” Says Kelly. “Using it to maybe pinpoint what parts of there brain were damaged, which parts weren’t, and possibly even…..maybe communicating with them. At least on some level.”

“Wait are you…..are you saying that I could actually talk to Lena.” Kara’s heart starts pounding in her chest.

“I don’t know Kara. Like I said, it really hasn’t been tested yet. And even if it had, it would still be different with every case. No two brains are alike.” Kelly tells her. “But in theory, if someone were to use the VR lenses, the way I would if I were guiding someone through a therapy session, with a person that was in an unconscious state, communication could be possible.” The thought of being able to speak to Lena threatens to completely cloud Kara’s judgement. She struggles to slow down. To think before acting. To be reasonable and think of all the variables like Lena would.

“Could it help her wake up?” Asks Kara, remembering when Brainy had helped her out of her own coma.

“No. It…. It would only work if it was a mental block keeping her unconscious. Unfortunately, Lena’s state is because of actual damage.” Kara tries to not let disappointment flood her mind. She knew it was a long shot.

“Is it safe? I mean….didn’t we just sacrifice everything to stop people from using Obsidian?” Kara asks.

“While the lenses I use are the same technology, there in no way connected to the Obsidian server. There on a separate, private program. Because of doctor patient confidentiality, I’m the only one with access. It would be completely safe.” Kelly tells her.

“Could it hurt Lena? Would it…..would it cause her pain or maybe worsen her condition?” Kara shifts nervously, fighting to stay focused.

“No. It shouldn’t put any physical strain on her body.” Kelly says.

“Physical. What about emotional.” Kara asks.

“I can’t promise there won’t be an emotional strain if we try this and it works.”

“That’s what I thought.” Kara says. She closes her eyes and tries to push back the overwhelming urge to scream. “What do you think Alex?” Kara opens her eyes and looks at her sister. “What would you do?” Alex stares back at Kara.

“Do it.” She says. “Use the lenses.”

“Really?” Kara is surprised by her sister’s almost immediate response.

“If I were you I would do it. And if I were Lena, I’d want you to try.” Alex says with certainty. “I think Lena would really want you to try.” She says, her voice breaking at the end.

“Okay.” Kara nods her head. “Okay. Let’s try it.”

“I need to go to my office and get the lenses. Alex can get things ready here.” Kelly says. Kara and Alex quickly agree and Kelly heads up to get what she needs. Alex starts typing commands into the computers. Kara turns back to Lena.

She moves to her side once again. She reaches out and tucks a strand of dark hair behind Lena’s ear. She leans down and places a soft kiss on her forehead before resting her head against hers.

“Hold on Lena. Stay with me. I’m on my way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment and tell me what you think. Thanks for reading.
> 
> \- EchoMayday


	6. Can you Hear Me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry for the late update. I had to deal with back to back 24 hour shifts at the station. Everyone’s short on EMTs right now. But i finally got a day off, and I’ll try not to be late again.
> 
> So this chapter is a little different. It’s just a small look at Alex and Lena’s relationship in this fic. I really hope you like it. Tell me what you think in the comments.
> 
> Thanks for reading.
> 
> \- EchoMayday

**Anson Seabra – Can You Hear Me**

**I've been chasing the pavement**   
**I've been sleeping with strangers**   
**Dealing in danger**   
**Passing by faces so cold**

**I've been running to places**   
**I've been broken and nameless**   
**Hopeless and shamed**   
**I've never been so low**

**Zoom out to everything**   
**Zoom into me**   
**Zoom out to tragedy**   
**Zoom into me**

**Can you hear me out there?**   
**Can you help me? I'm scared**   
**Can you lift me?**   
**Can you give me a sign?**

**Can you beat back the night?**   
**Can you make things alright?**   
**Can you hold me?**   
**Can you show me the light?**

**All alone in the basement**   
**Where it's always the same**   
**And nothing can change**

**I don't know how to face it**   
**I don't know how to name it**   
**Know who to blame**   
**But nothing seems alright**

**Zoom out to everything**   
**Zoom into me**   
**Zoom out to tragedy**   
**Zoom in to me**

**Can you hear me out there?**   
**Can you help me? I'm scared**   
**Can you lift me?**   
**Can you give me a sign?**

**Can you beat back the night?**   
**Can you make things alright?**   
**Can you hold me?**   
**Can you show me the light?**

**Can you hear me out there?**   
**Can you help me? I'm scared**   
**Can you lift me?**   
**Can you give me a sign?**

**Can you beat back the night?**   
**Can you make things alright?**   
**Can you hold me?**   
**Can you show me the light?**

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxx**

“ _Fuck.” Alex swears under her breath as she makes her way to the locker room at the DEO, leaving a trail of water in her wake. She was having the worst day. But considering most of her days have been terrible lately, she shouldn’t be surprised._

_Her work load was insane, she hasn’t gotten a moments rest in who knows how long. Haley was constantly breathing down her neck, making it almost impossible to do her job. And she’s been struggling with this uneasy feeling that is constantly lingering under her skin and in the back of her mind. Sometimes it’s so overwhelming, that it’s almost painful. The other night when she was with Kara, it hit her hard._

_They were just a few minutes into a much needed sister’s night when Kara suddenly jumped up and left, leaving her with a dumb excuse that was clearly a lie. She felt her mind reaching for something it couldn’t find. Something she was supposed to know, but didn’t. It made her feel like panicking and gave her a splitting headache. It made her feel like she had lost something important. Alex considered going to see J’onn again. He had already told her once that everything was fine, but maybe he missed something. But then her phone rang, calling her into work. The uneasy feeling was pushed to the background once more. She could deal with it later._

_She ended up working all night. A group of aliens were causing a disturbance at the docks. It took all night to get the situation under control. She was exhausted. And she still had a full day of work ahead of her. She didn’t think her day could get much worse. But then one of the aliens they had captured broke free. Before Alex had the chance to react, it body slammed her, pushing her into the ocean._

_Suddenly, she was surrounded by bone chilling water. Her heart was pounding in her chest, it was dark, and she couldn’t get her bearings. Couldn’t figure out which way was up. She wasn’t in the ocean anymore. She was back in that cage again with no way out. It was filled to the brim. There was nothing more she could do. No clever tricks left to try. No way to fight. Helpless. Drowning. Dying. Alone._

_Alex was so completely consumed by the memory that she was vividly reliving, that she didn’t even realize that Supergirl had pulled her out of the water._

_“Breathe Alex. It’s okay, just breathe.” The sound of the worried voice caused Alex’s eyes to snap open. She wasn’t in the cage anymore. She wasn’t in the ocean. She was laying on the dock, looking up at a concerned and equally drenched Supergirl hunched over her. She felt that familiar pain and tug in her mind as she looked at the hero’s face. “Breathe Alex.” She said again. Only then did the Director realize that she was still holding her breath. Alex had to force herself to relax and allow her body to take in some much needed oxygen. After a minute of gasping and coughing, Alex pushed herself up off the ground. Supergirl tried to help her, but she pulled away. “Alex, are you okay?”_

“ _I’ve told you before, it’s Director Danvers.” Alex said as she tried to appear composed. She managed to keep her face neutral, but she knew the hero could hear that her heart was still pounding at an alarming rate. A look past over Supergirls face that made Alex want to reach out and comfort her for some odd reason. But she managed to contain the urge._

_“Right.” Supergirl’s voice was tense. “I was worried you were hurt and I…..it won’t happen again Director.”_

_Supergirl left soon after. The uneasy feeling returned to Alex with force. But a building sense of panic kept her from focusing on it too much. She was soaking wet and freezing. Freezing like she was when she was trapped in that cage filling with water. The memories and the fear threatened to overwhelm her. She was too tired to fight against it._

_She had hardly managed to keep it together in front of her agents as she made it back to the DEO. She ignored everyone that she past as she marched through the hallways._ _She had to make it to the locker room. Maybe if she got out of those wet clothes, she would be able to calm down. If she could just warm up, maybe she could breathe again._

_Alex almost cried out with relief when she burst into the empty locker room. She stumbled to her locker. Her numb fingers fumbled with the lock, failing to open it. After several attempts, she slams her fist into the door and screams in frustration._

_She looks down at her trembling hands. She turns her attention to her gloves, trying to remove the wet material from her hands. She succeeds after a few minutes. She then struggles to peal her shirt from her shivering body. It’s clinging to her, suffocating her. She can’t breathe._

_She finally is able to tear the top of her uniform from her body, leaving her in only a sports bra and pants. She’s completely exhausted. Alex lets herself fall onto the bench behind her. She takes in a much needed breath, feeling less trapped now that the cold fabric is no longer pressing against her chest. When she tries to breathe out, a sharp sob rips from her lungs. Alex curls in on herself. She buries her face in her hands. Her mind is screaming at her. She can’t think. Her body shakes uncontrollably._

_Reality seems to fall away as she loses herself to her own thoughts and memories. She’s so lost that she doesn’t hear the locker room door open. She doesn’t register the sound of footsteps approaching her. She only realizes that she isn’t alone when something warm and soft wraps around her shivering shoulders._

_Alex’s head flies out of her hands and jerks around to the person that managed to sneak up on her. She’s able to halt her fight or flight instincts when she sees Lena. The young Luthor’s hands are still on her shoulders as she continues to wrap a large and very warm blanket around her. Lena meets her gaze for a moment before looking away._

_She then walks around the bench and kneels down in front of Alex. She adjusts the blanket perfectly around her, before taking the Director’s cold hands into hers and she starts to gently, but firmly, rub some warmth back into her fingers. Alex opens her mouth to say something, but no words come out. She doesn’t know what to say._

_She’s a bit shocked. She doesn’t understand why Lena is here, helping her. Why would she do something like this? It seems a bit out of character for her. And how did she even know that Alex needed help? She wants to pull away. Alex doesn’t like people seeing her weak. But she can feel her panic starting to fade. The warmth from the blanket, and the feeling of Lena’s hands grounds her back in reality. And this unasked for act of kindness is distracting enough to pull her away from her unwanted memories. So she stays quiet, she doesn’t pull away. She watches Lena. The woman doesn’t look up at her. She keeps her eyes focused on her hands as they move over Alex’s._

_The minutes tick by. Alex’s breathing becomes steady, and her hands warm and stop shaking. Lena moves her hands away and stands up from the ground, then sits down on the bench next to Alex. She then wordlessly hands Alex a Kleenex. Only then does Alex realize that she has tears streaming down her face. Lena keeps her gaze straight ahead, giving Alex a sense of privacy as she cleans her face and gets herself together._

_“Thank you.” Alex mumbles. Lena glances at her and gives her a slight smile and a nod. It’s clear that Lena isn’t quite comfortable with the situation. She was always a bit tense and guarded around everyone. Alex only ever saw the woman relax when she was around her sister. So what made Lena step outside her comfort zone to help Alex? And how did someone like Lena, who always tended to act awkward and unsure when it came to things like this, know exactly what she needed? Alex didn’t even know what she had needed. Even if she had wanted to ask for help, she wouldn’t have had a clue what to ask for. So how did Lena know? “Why…..how did you….know?” Alex feels herself asking. Lena looks at her then._

_“I heard what happened at the docks.” Lena says. But that really doesn’t answer Alex’s question, so she waits for Lena to elaborate. When she realizes what Alex is waiting for, she sighs and lets her shoulders sag a bit. “I heard what happened, and then I saw you, as you walked past my lab. The look on your face. You looked…..well you looked like me. You had the same look on your face that I get when I….” Lena goes quiet for a moment. Trying to gather her thoughts and decide if she really wanted to open up to Alex about this._

_“You know i’m adopted, right?” Asks Lena._

_“Yeah.” Alex says, unsure about the point Lena was trying to make._

“ _Did Kara ever tell you why I was adopted?” Lena glances at Alex, a nervous look in her gaze._

_“No. She never said.” Alex tells her. Lena takes a deep breath._

_“My mother was a kind and warm person. I remember that clearly. But the thing I remember most about her is……the look on her face right before she died. Right before…..before she disappeared under the water, while I stood frozen at the shore.” Lena closes her eyes and tries to steady her breathing. “I’ve been terrified of the water ever since. It was more than ten years before I was even able to take a bath without having a panic attack. Even now I don’t enjoy baths. They’re not relaxing in the least. I despise the feeling of the water pressing in around me. I don’t go to pools, and you’ll never catch me enjoying a day at the beach. But thanks to Lillian, I’ve had the misfortune of being forced into the water more than once in my life. Because Luthors aren’t afraid of anything…… that look in your eyes when you walked by me. It was the same look I saw in my own. I….. I know what it’s like to be terrified like that. To lose yourself to a fear you can’t control. And I’ve found that the only thing worse than experiencing that fear, is to experience it alone. I couldn’t…….i just couldn’t leave you be. Not when I knew exactly what you were feeling.”_

_Alex feels her eyes start to burn with fresh tears as she listens to Lena’s story. She never would have guessed that the calm and composed woman dealt with a problem like this. But now, she can picture Lena as a young girl, being crushed by this fear while having to face Lillian Luthor. How many times did the child have to face this alone because her family only offered torment and ridicule? Had anyone ever offered Lena the comfort that she just gave Alex?_

_“This guy. From my past. He umm…… he took me. A couple years ago. I woke up in this clear cage. And the cage started to fill with water. I fought and fought, but I couldn’t stop the water. I couldn’t….. I couldn’t get out. And then there was nothing to fight against. The cage was full. There was no more air. I…. I have never felt that….that helpless. I was rescued right as everything was about to go dark. And sometimes I just…. I find myself right back there. I……I’ve never told anyone how much I….. how for a year after it happened I couldn’t even close the bathroom door when I took a shower. I just didn’t want anyone to see me like that. Like this. It makes me feel weak.” Alex is surprised that she opens up so much to Lena. But she had told Alex about her mother and her own fear. She could tell it had pained Lena to talk about it, but she did it anyway. Just for the sake of comforting Alex. She wanted to give Lena the same thing._

_“I figured as much.” Lena says. Alex is pleased that Lena doesn’t look at her with pity after hearing her story. “You and I are similar in several ways. I’ve never told anyone either.”_

_“Was anyone ever there for you?” Alex wants the answer to be yes, but the sad bitter smile on Lena’s face tells her otherwise._

_“No.” She says. “Once after one of Lillian’s swimming lessons, Lex came to me in my room. I didn’t realize how much I had wanted someone there until he was standing in front of me. I thought he was going to…… I don’t know. I just wanted someone there to let me know I wasn’t alone. Instead, he simply told me that I was acting like a child, which I was, and it was shameful. Then he left.”_

_“I’m sorry. That’s…..you shouldn’t have had to go through that.” Alex hates how empty her words feel. She knows that it doesn’t offer any comfort. But Lena still gives her a genuine smile._

“ _It was a long time ago. I’ve learned to deal with it. But……but because I had to deal with it alone, I could never just stand back and watch someone else struggle by themselves. Not when I could do something. Especially when it’s someone I care for.” Lena turns away from Alex, trying not to let her emotions show too much. Alex reaches out from the blanket and grabs hold of Lena’s hand._

_“Do you still get scared?” Alex asks._

_“Sometimes.” Lena admits. “But I’ve learned how to stay away from things that might trigger any panic. So it’s rare.”_

_“Well if it ever happens again, well…..since I know about it, and you know about me….. next time you don’t have to be alone. I’ll be there.” Alex’s heart aches at the shocked look on Lena’s face. Even after what she did for Alex, she never expected any kindness to be returned._

_“I……that…. I think that might be….yes, that sounds rather nice.” Lena tries her best to not let the kind offer completely overwhelm her. “But the same goes for you Alex. I’ll be here, no questions asked.” Alex grins and chuckles a little, feeling better than she has in days._

_“You’ve got yourself a deal Lena.” Alex has never seen the woman next to her smile so brightly before._

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

“Alex?” Kara pulls her sister from her thoughts. But she doesn’t look up from what she’s doing. Alex had been going over Lena’s vitals once more as she waited for Kelly to return. She had picked up Lena’s hand to adjust her IV, and was shocked at how cold the woman’s hands were. It made her remember the kindness Lena had shown her. She hadn’t thought about it in a long time. Why didn’t she? How could she have forgotten something like that?

Alex started to try to warm Lena’s hand the same way she did that morning in the locker room. Alex wondered if she could feel it. Could Lena feel how cold her hands were? If she did, did it remind her of watching her mother drowned? Was she scared? Did she remember that day, the deal Alex had made with her? Did she want to call Alex and ask for the comfort she never got?

“Alex, are you okay?” Kara asks. Alex pulls her gaze away from Lena’s hand and looks up at her sister. Kara is standing on the other side of Lena, watching Alex with concern.

“I’m fine.” Alex says with a raw voice.

“Are you sure?” Kara says, not believing her sister.

“Yeah, why?”

“You’re crying.” Kara tells her. Alex finally moves her hands away from Lena. She brushes her fingers over her face and feels the tears for the first time.

“Oh.” Alex whispers. “I…..forgot something important.”

“What did you forget?” Kara asks, but Alex wasn’t really talking to her.

“I…..um, I’m going to go see what’s taking Kelly so long.” Alex moves towards the door.

“Alex…”

“Stay with Lena. I’ll be back soon.” Alex doesn’t wait for her sister. She leaves the room, knowing that Kara wouldn’t dare leave Lena’s side right now. She’s relieved to finally have a moment alone. But she only makes it a few steps down the hallway before she can no longer hold back a painful sob. Her knees buckle and she falls against the wall. She lets herself slide down to the floor, and she gasps for air as she weeps. How could she have forgotten?

“Alex!” She hears Kelly call to her, but she can’t lift her head. She can’t stop the tears. She can’t stop the guilt. Kelly is suddenly next to her, holding her face in her hands. “What happened? Is Lena…..”

“She’s the same.” Alex manages to say.

“Then what happened?” Kelly asks. “I’ve only been gone for a few minutes.” Alex looks away, shame fills her chest and squeezes her throat.

“Kara was right. I…..when she said that I was always quick to give up on Lena. She was right.” Alex says with tears still streaming down her face.

“Alex, sweetheart, you did everything you could. The injuries Lena suffered….. you can’t fix that.” Kelly says.

“No…. I…. I’m not talking about today.” Alex pushes away from Kelly. She feels undeserving of any comfort. “I’m talking about before. Time after time. Over and over again, I….. I doubted her. She would do a hundred good things, and then if anything bad happened, I would be ready and willing to blame her and take her down. She would selflessly help us, help me, and then the moment she stumbled, or if it even looked like she made a mistake, I would go after her. I wouldn’t even think about all the times she was good and kind. How could I do that? How could I just….forget. Forget her kindness. Forget that she was there for me when I was alone. How could I forget that I told her I would be there for her too? Instead I aim a weapon at her and was more than prepared to vaporize a mountainside to kill her. I was going to kill her. She was a good friend to me when I really didn’t deserve it, and instead of trying to help her when she was alone and in pain, I tried to kill her.” Alex forces herself to look at Kelly. “Why am I only remembering all this now, when it’s too late?”

“Alex I….. There’s nothing I can say to make this better.” Kelly says as she sits down on the floor next to Alex. “There’s nothing any of us can say or do. And blaming yourself for the past is only going to do more harm than good.”

“Maybe I could have stopped any of this from happening.” Alex says. “If I had just trusted her, and treated her like she treated me, maybe it wouldn’t have come to this.”

“You can’t know that Alex.” Kelly tells her. “All of you lead dangerous lives. You face a lot of powerful enemies. What happened to Lena could’ve happened to any of us. And maybe you didn’t treat Lena fairly, I can’t say, I wasn’t there. But there’s no reason to believe that mistakes made in the past, were what caused Lena to be hurt today. In fact, I believe that you, Lena, and everyone could’ve been on the best of terms, and it wouldn’t have made a difference. It wouldn’t have mattered if Lena was hurt or happy, she still would’ve been exactly where she was today. Standing by Kara’s side, doing the right thing, regardless of what happened in the past. Because, at her core, that is who Lena is. Whatever you did or didn’t do could never change that.”

“You’re right. Lena has always been good. I never had anything to do with that.” Alex says as she tries to wipe away her tears. “I just wish I would’ve shown her that she wasn’t alone. Because……because the only thing worse than experiencing fear, is to experience it alone. And I…. I don’t know if Lena ever got the chance to not feel alone.”

“Well…..maybe it isn’t too late.” Kelly holds up the lenses she got from her office. “Maybe this is her chance. Maybe we can give that to her.” Alex gives Kelly a sad smile and pulls her into a tight hug.

“Thank you.” She mumbles.

“I just hope it works.” Kelly says as she runs her hand through Alex’s hair.

“You’d be amazed what hope can accomplish.” Alex pulls away from Kelly and wipes the last of her tears from her face. She’ll never forgive herself for letting Lena down so many times. But she can blame herself later. Right now she needs to think about Lena. She needs to make the lenses work, whatever it takes. She needs Lena to know that she isn’t alone.

“Are you ready.” Kelly asks her. Alex stands up and offers Kelly a hand.

“Let’s go talk to Lena.”


	7. Open your eyes, I’m safe and sound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so very sorry for being so late with this chapter. I won’t bore you with the details, but things have been crazy.
> 
> My schedule is normal again, so there shouldn’t be anymore late updates. I really hope you all enjoy this chapter.

**Kara’s Song**

**Open your Eyes – Snow Patrol**

_**All this feels strange and untrue** _   
_**And I won't waste a minute without you** _   
_**My bones ache, my skin feels cold** _   
_**And I'm getting so tired and so old** _

_**The anger swells in my guts** _   
_**And I won't feel these slices and cuts** _   
_**I want so much to open your eyes** _   
_**'Cause I need you to look into mine** _

_**Tell me that you'll open your eyes** _   
_**Tell me that you'll open your eyes** _   
_**Tell me that you'll open your eyes** _   
_**Tell me that you'll open your eyes** _

_**Get up, get out, get away from these liars** _   
_**'Cause they don't get your soul or your fire** _   
_**Take my hand, knot your fingers through mine** _   
_**And we'll walk from this dark room for the last time** _

_**Every minute from this minute now**_  
 _ **We can do what we like anywhere**_  
 _ **I want so much to open your eyes**_  
 _ **'Cause I need you to look into min**_ e

**_Tell me that you'll open your eyes_ **   
**_Tell me that you'll open your eyes_ **   
**_Tell me that you'll open your eyes_ **   
**_Tell me that you'll open your eyes_ **

**_Tell me that you'll open your eyes_ **   
**_Tell me that you'll open your eyes_ **   
**_Tell me that you'll open your eyes_ **   
**_Tell me that you'll open your eyes_ **

**_All this feels strange and untrue_ **   
**_And I won't waste a minute without you_**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

“Are you sure you want to be the one to do this Kara?” Kelly asks as she works at the computers. Her and Alex have been hard at work for over an hour trying to make sure everything is working properly. “You haven’t had any training with this. You could have trouble trying to navigate Lena’s mind. It might be better if I did it.”

“Thanks Kelly, but it has to be me.” Kara tells her. “I know you care, but Lena and you never got the chance to get close. If…..it’s just I know Lena, and Lena should get the chance to be with someone who really knows her.”

“You’re right. It would be better for Lena.” Kelly smiles. “Her brain will most likely respond better to someone she’s familiar with anyway. However, it could be a strain for you. Immersing ones self in someone else’s mind is taxing in the best of situations. But the damage in Lena’s brain, you might find it overwhelming.”

“I’m willing to risk it.” Kara says. “Besides, I’ll have you and Alex out here guiding me and making sure everything is going okay.”

“We’ll be here every step of the way. You’ve got this.” Alex says, giving her sister a reassuring smile. Kara is surprised that Alex isn’t trying to talk her out of it after the concerns Kelly brought up. Her sister has been acting odd ever since she came back in with Kelly. Kara wants to ask her about it, but she needs to keep her focus on Lena right now.

“We’re almost ready.” Kelly announces, finally moving away from the computers.

“So how does this work?” Kara asks as she watches Kelly approach her. She motions for Kara to lie down on the bed they brought in earlier. Kara eases herself down onto it. Her heartbeat picking up at the thought of getting to speak to Lena.

“It will be just like the VR at first. You’ll put in the lenses, just like before, and I’ll initiate the program. But that’s were the similarities will end.” Kelly hands Kara the box containing the lenses. “This isn’t a pre-written program. What you will be seeing is a projection of Lena’s mind. Her thoughts. Your lenses will be connected to these devices.” Kelly takes out two small blue spheres and places them on Lena’s temples. “These will be scanning Lena’s brain in real time, and will transmit all the data to our computers and your lenses.”

“Will you be able to see what I see?” Kara asks.

“No. All we’ll see is raw data. Numbers and brains scans. It should help us determine the amount of damage to Lena’s brain. The more you interact with her, the more information we’ll receive.” Says Alex.

“Will that help Lena?” Asks Kara. “All that data, can you use it to help her?”

“Kara…..there’s no real way to treat brain damage.” Alex says, unable to look her sister in the eye. “But we could learn a lot. We could figure out what parts of Lena’s brain are most affected. We could get a more accurate estimate of the chances of Lena waking up. And we can learn how her mind and body will be hindered if she does wake up. It will better prepare us. And her.”

“So that’s the best we can hope for.” Kara says quietly as she stares up that the ceiling from her bed.

“I’m afraid so.” Alex says. Kara clears her throat and forces herself not to cry.

“Okay. I’m ready.” Says Kara.

“Okay. You can put your lenses in now.” Says Kelly. Kara does as instructed. “Okay. I’m about to start the program. You’ll probably feel a bit disoriented for a few seconds after connecting to Lena’s mind.”

“I can handle it.” Kara says.

“Remember Kara. There’s a chance that you won’t see or feel anything at all. There……there just might not be enough to connect to.” Kelly tells her.

“No. She’s there. I can feel it.” Kara says confidently.

“Kara…”

“All we can do is try.” Alex interrupts Kelly. She gives her a soft smile before moving to Kara. “I’ll be right here. No matter what happens.” Alex kisses the top of her sister’s head and pushes some loose hair behind her ear.

“Whenever you’re ready Kara.” Says Kelly. Kara turns her head to the right and looks at the woman lying in the bed next to her. Lena is still deathly pale. Just a shadow of the woman she was. The woman she should be. Kara reaches across the space between them and takes Lena’s hand into hers.

“I’m ready.” She says without taking her eyes off of Lena.

“Initiating the program…….now.” Kelly enters the command to start.

The air around Kara changes. The bed beneath her disappears. Everything is gone. It’s all dark. She can’t tell which way is up. It’s like she’s falling and frozen all at the same time. She struggles to move, but her limbs feel heavy and weighed down. She can’t hear anything either. At first Kara thinks she’s surrounded by silence, but quickly realizes that it’s not quiet at all. There’s a loud, deafening roar screaming in her ears. She tries to yell out, but finds that she can’t breathe. She tries not to panic, but it’s almost impossible not to. It feels like she’s being crushed, and it’s suffocating. Kara wants to scream out to Alex and Kelly for help, but before she does, something dawns on her. Is this what Lena’s been experiencing this entire time? This is Lena’s mind, so Lena must be here too. Oh god, she has to find Lena.

Kara pushes her panic down and starts fighting with everything she has. She kicks, and punches, and screams out for Lena with air that isn’t there. She pushes herself past her breaking point, beyond all the strength she has. And suddenly, without any warning, she breaks free of the darkness.

She gasps for air, and finds herself surrounded by tumultuous water. She’s in the middle of what looks like an ocean being torn apart by a raging storm. Waves keep crashing into her, threatening to drag her back under. The rain is pouring so hard, she struggles to breathe as the fierce winds try to force it into her mouth and nose. Lightning tears viciously across the dark sky, and the thunder is so powerfully loud, it sounds like the earth is splitting in two. And it’s cold. So incredibly cold. Kara can’t remember ever feeling this cold before.

Kara fights desperately to stay afloat. Exhaustion tries to overtake her body and mind. It’s clear her kryptonian powers mean nothing here. But she doesn’t dwell on that. She doesn’t let the exhaustion get to her. She has something much more important to focus on. Even as the storm seems to only grow more powerful, Kara can only think of one thing. Where is Lena?

“Lena!” Kara can hardly hear her own screams over the intensity of the storm. Kara whips her head around in every direction, but she only sees more angry waters. “LENA!” Kara’s voice rips painfully against her throat. “LENA, WHERE ARE YOU!” A loud roll of thunder shakes Kara to her core. It vibrates deeply in her chest. But woven within the thunder, Kara swears she hears a voice.

“Lena!” She yells again. And once more the thunder echoes deeply around her with a voice that’s scarcely audible. Kara is almost certain that it’s coming from her right. So she takes a deep breath and starts swimming in that direction. The minutes tick by as she fights against the unending waves. She can’t even tell if she’s really moving forward, but she keeps swimming nonetheless. She keeps swimming until her arms go numb, and she finally takes a break, but only to call out for Lena again.

“LENA.” Kara’s voice strains against the wind, rain, and roar of the ocean. She hears the voice again. She can’t tell what it’s saying, but it’s much clearer than before. She’s headed in the right direction, she’s sure of it now. Kara starts swimming again with all her might. She ignores her screaming muscles and the biting cold raking over her skin and seeping into her bones.

Time starts to slip away to something meaningless as she continues moving through the water. She can’t quite figure out how much time has passed. Kara is about to call out to Lena again when the voice, mixed with thunder, rings out around her. It’s loud and clear, but she still can’t make out the words. She can’t even be sure that it’s Lena’s voice. But it’s definitely close by.

“Lena!” Kara shouts out into the dark tempest of Lena’s mind. “I’m here Lena! Where are you? LENA! I’M HERE. PLEASE LENA!” A sharp burst of lightning streaks across the sky and strikes the waters ahead of Kara. She tries to shield herself from the blinding light, but can’t quite block it out. Through the burning light that dances over the black waters, Kara sees something. A shape floating in the water, getting swallowed by the sea. She can still make it out as the lightning recedes. Kara slowly makes her way against the strong current, inching closer and closer, never taking her eyes off the shape. When lightning fills the sky again, Kara is close enough to make out dark hair and pale skin. Lena.

Kara doubles her efforts. Her heart beats wildly in her chest. Lena’s floating face down in the dangerous waters. Jagged looking waves crash into her body. She starts to sink beneath the surface. Kara desperately reaches out to her. Her fingertips brushing against her freezing skin before a wave pulls Lena further away. Kara screams out as Lena repeatedly moves just beyond her reach. Kara keeps fighting to get to her, the waves continually beating her back.

“LENA!” Kara screams as loud as she can and lunges towards Lena one last time. Her arm finally wrapping tightly around Lena. Kara pulls Lena in close to her chest. Her head rolls back against Kara’s shoulder. Kara takes her free hand and pushes the dark wet hair out of Lena’s face. Her eyes are closed and her lips are blue. Thunder shakes the waters around them, along with that same voice wailing words that are still unknown to Kara. But Lena’s face and body recoil in pain at the sound.

“Lena, Lena can you hear me.” Kara speaks with her head pressed against Lena’s ear so she can hear her over the storm. But Lena doesn’t respond to Kara’s pleas. Kara holds Lena close as she tries to figure out what to do next. She’s growing extremely tired from trying to keep both Lena and herself afloat. “Lena, you need to wake up. Please Lena. I’ve got you now, please wake up.” Lena’s eyes stay closed and she remains silent. The waves suddenly start to get bigger, crashing into Kara more heavily and more frequently. Kara tries her best to shield Lena from the water. And as she turns her head from the monstrous waves, she sees something that wasn’t there before.

Land, looming ominously on the horizon. She doesn’t hesitate to start swimming towards it while pulling Lena up higher out of the water. The waves and current push against her, trying to pull her and Lena back out to sea. But Kara pushes back just as hard. Slowly getting herself and Lena to shore.

After what feels like an eternity, Kara’s feet brush against sand, and she’s able to gain her footing and the water gets more and more shallow. As the water recedes to below her waist, she’s surprised at how heavy her own body feels. She stumbles as her feet sink into thick muddy sand, that is more difficult to move through than the ocean was. She struggles not to collapse as she pulls Lena to shore.

Kara finally pulls free from the water and sand, and falls down onto a harsh rocky beach. She doesn’t allow herself to rest as she immediately gathers Lena up into her arms. She brushes wet hair away and cradles her face in her hand.

“Lena. Lena, please look at me. I’m here Lena, I’m here.” Kara’s voice is raw and shaky. She looks down at Lena who continues to lie still and silent in her arms. The ground beneath them begins to shake as the voice echoes around them again. This time Kara hears what it’s saying loud and clear.

_“How dare you!”_ Lex’s voice surrounded them coming from everywhere. Lena lets out a small whimper.

“ _You have no life anymore Lena. You have no one on your side.”_ Lillian’s voice now thunders down. The rain gets heavier and the wind blows harder around Kara and Lena.

“Lena, Lena it’s not real. Listen to me. It’s Kara. Listen to my voice.” Kara yells over the storm.

“ _I will do everything in my power to stop you. Just like I would any other villain.”_ Kara feels sick as she hears her own voice yell out loudly around them. Lena’s entire body reacts. Tears start to fall from her tightly closed eyes and her whole body curls in on itself.

“No no no, Lena don’t listen to that. Listen to me. I…..I’m so sorry I ever said that. It’s not true Lena….it was never true.” Lena doesn’t even seem to realize that Kara is there.

_“So this is what I get for asking for your help…..you ask a Luthor, they tell you you’re a supervillain.”_ Sam’s voice joins in. Kara never knew Sam had said something like that. It must have crushed Lena to hear it.

_“You’re strong, ruthless. You are so much darker than you realize. You’re just like me.”_ The distorted voice of Reign quakes around them. Lena cries out in pain and covers her ears with her hands. Suddenly voice after voice starts to scream down from the heavens.

_“They would hate you. And then you’d find yourself utterly alone. Again.”_

_“When I’m gone, who will be left to be proud of you? You’re friends? The joke’s on you. It’s always been on you. Your friends have been lying to you from the start…….I’m about to die, but at least I lived without ever being a fool. You’re left with no one, and nothing.”_

_“If you came to me looking for absolution. I cant give it to you.”_

The painful, hateful words keep coming. Kara is horrified by them, even more so since her own voice is among them. How is it possible that so many brutal things have been said to Lena in the small amount of time she’s been alive. She doesn’t know what to do. What can she say to Lena that would help when her own voice is causing her pain?

Kara kneels down and rests her forehead against Lena’s. She gently pries Lena’s hands from her ears and holds her face in her hands.

“Lena.” She speaks softly this time. Whispering gently against Lena skin. “Don’t listen to the screaming. It isn’t real. It’s all lies. You’re safe Lena. You’re safe. I’m here. I’m right here. You just need to open your eyes.”

“You’re lying.” Lena cries as she tries to weakly shrink away from Kara.

“No. No I’m not. I promise Lena. This isn’t a lie. Just open you’re eyes and you’ll see.”

“N….no. It’s a trick.” Her voice shakes. Her hands come up and wrap around Kara’s. Kara isn’t sure if Lena is trying to push her away, or hold her close. Her hands seem unsure. As if she really doesn’t believe that Kara is there. Hot tears start streaming from Kara’s eyes and fall onto Lena’s cold skin, mixing with her own tears.

“It’s not a trick Lena. It’s not. I’m here. I know it’s hard to believe. I know….. I know I’ve lied to you before. But not this time. Never again. I know I haven’t given you any reason to believe me. But please try. Please believe in me Lena, because I believe in you. I love you so much, and I believe in you with everything I have. So please, just give me one more chance. Please open your eyes.”

“You…..you believe in me?” Lena’s words are so quiet, Kara isn’t sure she even spoke. But she answers anyway.

“I believe in you.” Kara whispers back. The world around them suddenly goes quiet. The sound of the ocean fades away. The rain stops pouring. The air becomes still and warm. But Kara doesn’t dare look away from Lena as her brilliant green eyes open and stare back at her.

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Lena’s song**

**Safe and Sound - Hayd**

**_Do you feel what I feel?_ **   
**_Or is it just another dream where I_ **   
**_Chase things that aren't real?_ **   
**_Happens more than you would think_ **

_**There's monsters in my dreams** _   
_**I should fight 'em but I let 'em in** _   
_**They steal all of my sleep** _   
_**And it's killing me slowly** _

_**It's killing me slowly** _

_**But I'm...** _   
_**Safe and sound when you hold me** _   
_**No more monsters in my dreams** _   
_**In your eyes, I find peace** _   
_**I'm safe and sound, I'm safe and sound** _

_**Do you see what we could be?** _   
_**Or is it something that's out of reach?** _   
_**That seems cheap but eventually** _   
_**Will cost us greatly** _

_**I see us when I dream** _   
_**Dancing under emerald skies** _   
_**And I'm lost in your eyes** _   
_**I finally feel at peace** _

**And I'm...**   
**Safe and sound when you hold me**   
**No more monsters in my dreams**   
**In your eyes, I find peace**   
**I'm safe and sound, I'm safe and sound**   
**Safe and sound when you hold me**   
**No more monsters in my dreams**   
**In your eyes, I find peace**   
**I'm safe and sound, I'm safe and sound**

**And then I wake up**   
**And remember that it's made up**   
**Here's to another day without ya**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment and tell me what you think.
> 
> Fun fact. As I wrote this, a crazy storm rolled in. We were under tornado watch and the windows kept shaking from the force of the wind, rain, and thunder. It was very inspiring. 
> 
> \- EchoMayday


	8. Don’t Forget Me And Our Happy Ever After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> CHARACTER DEATH!!!!!!!!!

**Kara’s Song**

**Hayd – Happy Ever After**

_**Your precious smile begins to fade** _  
_**Like the warmth of sunlight in the pouring rain** _  
_**And i have this feeling in my heart that** _  
_**We're growing close just to fall apart** _

_**{pre-chorus}** _  
_**How can i let go?** _  
_**When in your heart i built my home** _  
_**So how can i move on? yeah** _

_**{chorus}** _  
_**I wish i was stronger** _  
_**We built our love on a house of cards** _  
_**One slip away from falling** _  
_**And at the bottom here we are** _  
_**We're trying to hold on** _  
_**When we both know how this story will end** _  
_**It ends in disaster** _  
_**So can we skip over the bad part** _  
_**And hope for a happy ever after** _

_**{verse 2}** _  
_**We tell our friends that we're doing fine** _  
_**But we both know that we're not alright** _  
**_And i fake a smile to try and hide_ **  
**_All this pain that i feel inside_ **  
**_That i feel inside, yeah, yeah_ **

**_{pre-chorus}_ **  
**_How can i let go?_ **  
**_When in your heart i built my home_ **  
**_So how can i move on? yeah_ **

**_{chorus}_ **  
**_I wish i was stronger_ **  
**_We built our love on a house of cards_ **  
**_One slip away from falling_ **  
**_And at the bottom here we are_ **  
**_We're trying to hold on_ **  
**_When we both know how this story will end_ **  
**_It ends in disaster_ **  
**_So can we skip over the bad part_ **  
**_And hope for a happy ever after_ **

**_{outro}_ **  
**_I just wanna know_ **  
**_I just wanna know_ **  
**_Is one out there?_ **

xxxxxxx

_A gentle breeze brushes over Lena’s skin. Her eyes are closed tight as she holds her breath. A deep frown forms on her face. She knows how important this is, but she just isn’t sure what to do. She’s too young to make such an important decision. What should she do?_

_Warm hands rest on her shoulders. Soft hair brushes her cheek as someone leans in close from behind._

_“Don’t you want to make your wish Lena?” A sweet, heavily accented voice whispers in her ear. Lena opens her eyes and looks at the small chocolate cake her mum made just for her. The flames on the four candles are starting to burn low. Little four year old Lena turns and looks up at her mum. The auburn haired woman smiles down at her._

_“I don’t know what to wish for.” Lena tells her mum. The woman chuckles lightly and kisses the top of Lena’s head._

_“You must want something my love.” Her mum says as she sits down in the grass beside Lena. Their in the garden behind their house. Lena had wanted a picnic with just the two of them for her birthday. Her mother had been worried that she would be lonely without her friends to play with, but she couldn’t deny her little girl the one thing she had asked for. Especially when she looked up at her with those wide green eyes._

_“I don’t want to get it wrong.” Lena says with a worried look on her face._

_“Darling, it’s your birthday wish. It’s impossible to get wrong.” Her mum tries not to laugh since it’s clear that Lena is taking this very seriously._

_“But it only happens once a year! If I ask for the wrong thing I have to wait a whole year for another wish.” Lena says. Her mum smiles. Her daughter is so incredibly smart and creative, but that same intelligence could cause her to overthink some of the simplest things. Even at such a young age._

_“Lena, sometimes there is no right answer. Sometimes there’s no answer at all. Every once and a while, things just are the way they are. Sometimes there is no right or wrong, there is no good or bad. Some things just are. That’s what a wish is. It’s just something you want, something you dream about. You get to wish for it right now. And that makes room for a new dream. So you have something to wish for next year.” Her mother tells her. Lena thinks about this for a minute._

_“But what if I can’t think of a wish at all?” Lena asks._

_“You really can’t think of anything at all?” Her mum asks. Lena shakes her head, her dark curls falling in her face. Her mum gently moves her hair back. “Not even something small?”_

_“I can’t waste my wish on something small.” Lena tells her._

_“Of course not, how silly of me.” Her mum laughs. “Well, what do you suppose we should do?”_

_“Can you make the wish for me?” Asks Lena._

_“You want me to have your wish?”_

_“Yeah. You always make the best stuff. So I know you’ll make the best wish ever.” Lena smiles brightly._

_“Hmm. It’s quite a responsibility making someone else’s wish. But if you’re sure that’s what you want, then I’ll try my best.” Her mum scoops her up into her lap. Lena giggles as her mum tickles her sides._

_“Yes please! I know you’ll make the best wish ever.” Lena laughs._

_“Okay. You think you can help me blow out the candles?” Her mum asks, Lena nods eagerly. “Alright, lean in close. On three. One, two, three!” The flames flicker away and Lena claps her hands happily._

_“What did you wish for?” Lena asks._

_“The same wish I make for my own birthday every year.”_

_“What is it?”_

_“I wish for my beautiful little daughter to be the happiest girl in the world for always and forever.” Her mum says while hugging her close._

_“But I’m already happy mum.” Says Lena._

_“That’s because I wish for it every year. That’s why your happiness never runs out.” She says._

_“So I’ll always be happy, no matter what?”_

_“As long as I’m here, I’ll always wish for your happiness my love.”_

_“Promise?”_

_“I promise Lena.”_

Xxxxxxxx

Lena doesn’t exactly know what’s going on. She doesn’t know how she got here, or where here is. She tries to think of the last thing she remembers, but she can’t even do that. She thinks there was pain. Yes, she remembers pain, and being cold, and darkness that seemed to stretch on forever. And it was loud. So unbelievably loud. Perhaps it was all a nightmare, because as she looks up into Kara’s deep blue eyes while being held in her arms, she can’t truly believe anything bad actually happened.

“Kara.” Lena reaches a hand up and lets her fingers brush over Kara’s cheek, just to ensure that she’s real.

“Lena. I……. I’m so happy to see you. To hear your voice.”

“Kara. You’re crying.” Lena uses her thumb to wipe a stray tear from Kara’s face.

“Yeah. Yeah I’m crying.” Kara takes in a shaky breath.

“Why? Is something wrong?” Lena asks.

“I….. I just….. I wasn’t sure I’d ever see you again.” Kara says as she struggles to stop crying.

“Why would you be worried about that?” Lena tries to smile up at Kara, but it turns into a frown. She feels like she’s forgetting something important.

“I….. you…..” Kara can’t seem to find the words she wants to say. Lena tries to look around to get her bearings. Only then does she realize that she’s still laying in Kara’s arms. She’s vaguely aware that this should embarrass her, but she can’t quite seem to be bothered by it. She feels warm and safe. Why should that embarrass her?

“Where are we?” Lena asks as she begrudgingly pulls herself out of Kara’s grip and sits up on her own.

“We….it’s complicated.” Kara doesn’t want to overwhelm Lena with too much too quickly.

“No……wait. I know where we are.” Lena says with awe in her voice. Kara takes in their surroundings with Lena. The dark skies are gone. The sky is now bright blue as far as the eye can see. The ocean is no where in sight. It’s been replaced with beautiful rolling hills, with long golden grass and wild flowers. Lush groups of green trees can be spotted in the distance. The ground beneath them is no longer harsh cold rock, but rather warm soft earth. “I can’t believe we’re actually here. I didn’t think we would ever really come.”

“What do you mean?” Kara finds herself asking.

“Ireland. We’re in Ireland. I’m home.” Lena says with a soft smile as she looks out in the distance.

“This is where you’re from?” Kara looks around at the beautiful landscape and wonders if Lena’s old home would look as beautiful in the real world as it does in Lena’s mind.

“Yes. I remember playing with my mother, my real mother, right over there.” Lena points to a clearing that’s close to the trees. Kara wipes away the last of her tears. She wishes she had taken Lena here in reality. She wishes that this moment was happening in real life, and not in Lena’s mind while her body lies broken in the real world. But it’s too late. This is all they have now. Kara lets herself relax a bit and she sits closer to Lena. If this is really all they have left together, then Kara wants to make the most of it. What’s the harm in pretending this is real? Even if it’s only for a little while.

“I bet she was wonderful.” Says Kara.

“She was the best mother. I don’t have a lot of memories of her, but all of them are lovely.” Says Lena. “Well, all but the last one.”

“You should focus on the good times.” Says Kara. She’s worried any bad memories might bring the storm back.

“Yes. I think that would be best.” Lena smiles at Kara before looking back out at the view. “It really is beautiful here.”

“Yeah. I can see why you wanted to come back.” Kara watches the tall grass dance in the light breeze.

“It’s perfect. It’s like a dream.” Lena says. She reaches out and picks a small white flower that’s growing beside her. “Kara?” She asks.

“Yes?”

“Am I dead?” Lena asks Kara while looking at the flower in her hand. Kara’s head snaps towards Lena, shocked by the question. Lena doesn’t look at her, she just waits patiently as Kara calms herself enough to answer.

“What…..umm….No, no Lena. You’re not dead.” Kara manages to say. Lena finally looks up at Kara and smiles.

“That’s good.” She says. “Because if I were dead, then that would mean you were dead too since you’re here. And that would be just……awful.”

“At least we’d be together.” Kara says.

“As much as I want us to be together. The world needs you Kara. It would be such a sad place without you.” Lena tells her.

“The world needs you just as much Lena.” Says Kara. “I don’t really see the point of being in a world that doesn’t have you in it.”

“That’s kind of you to say Kara, but the world could only get better with one less Luthor in it.” Lena says. “But it doesn’t matter anyway since we’re both alive.”

“But it does matter Lena. It really does.” Kara says desperately. “Why can’t you ever see yourself the way I see you? The way you really are. You’re an amazing person Lena. You’re a hero. And I don’t know if the world could survive without you. I know I couldn’t.” Lena starts to say something, but closes her mouth and looks away. She’s stays quiet for a few minutes before finally speaking again.

“So i’m not dead, but something bad happened. Right?”

“How did you know all this isn’t real?” Kara asks. Lena turns towards Kara and smiles softly. She cups Kara’s face with her hand and slowly leans in. Her lips press gently against Kara’s cheek. She stays there a moment before pulling back and looking Kara in the eye.

“As I said. It’s like a dream. Almost perfect, but not quiet real.” Lena says before moving her hand from Kara’s face. Kara stares back into Lena’s eyes.

“Do you remember what happened?” Kara asks. Lena tries hard to concentrate, but as soon as she is able to grab hold of a thought, it slips away just as fast. Leaving only a faint echo in its wake.

“I…..I’m not sure. I think I remember something. It was like a nightmare. I was trapped. But then suddenly you were here. And everything was okay.” Lena smiles and wonders why she isn’t more concerned with her lack of memories. Kara looks down as she starts to cry again.

“Something…….something bad did happen. You……Lena, I…… I don’t know what to do.” Kara looks up. “I’m so scared, and…..and lost. It’s all my fault. I…..” Lena grabs hold of Kara’s hands.

“I’ve got you Kara.” Lena says, causing Kara to sob harder. Who will be there for her if she loses Lena?

“I don’t know what to do.” Kara says again.

“Breathe Kara, just breathe.” Lena says. “I’m right here. Talk to me. I’m sure we can figure whatever this is out together.”

“I can’t do this without you.” Kara says.

“You don’t have to, I’m right here.” Lena says. Kara stares at Lena. She looks so alive and perfect. Why couldn’t this be the real world. Even with Kara sobbing in her arms, Lena looks happier than she has in a long time. Kara suddenly remembers the reason she’s here in Lena’s mind. Seeing and speaking to Lena like this was wonderful, but she came here to ask an important question. She needed to know what Lena wanted her to do. She steadies her breathing and fights back the tears. She needs to make this about Lena. And she can’t do that if Lena’s busy trying to comfort her.

“I….I need to ask you something.” Kara says when the tears finally stop.

“You can ask me anything.” Lena says immediately.

“Lena…..” Kara isn’t sure how to ask what needs to be asked. She can tell that Lena isn’t really aware of what’s going on. Kara doesn’t want to upset her. After seeing the storm her mind could be, she wants Lena to feel nothing but peace and happiness. Telling her what’s happening in the real world could destroy that peace. “Who’s the most important person in your life?” Kara suddenly asks.

“You are.” Lena says with zero hesitation. Kara’s eyes go wide.

“Wha…..Really?” Kara asks.

“Of course. It could only be you.” Lena says.

“But….. but I’ve caused you so much pain.” Kara says. Lena’s smile turns sad, but doesn’t disappear.

“Yes, well, only the person that means the most to me, could cause the most pain.” She says. “If you didn’t matter to me, it wouldn’t have hurt.” Kara wants to apologize again. She wants to say a hundred different things, but she isn’t sure how much time she has left. So she forces herself to stay on point.

“Well, umm, what if something really bad happened to me.” Kara says. “And you had to make a choice. You had to choose weather I lived, or if I died.”

“Kara, I don’t care what it would take. I would always fight for you to live.” Lena says seriously.

“But….but what if you weren’t sure I wanted to live?” Kara asks.

“I’d would still decide for you to live.” Lena says. “I can’t think of a reason why you’d want to die anyway.”

“What if…..what if me living also meant me suffering.” Kara says. “Suffering so much that……that even though I was alive, I wouldn’t really be living.” Lena frowns deeply.

“I think I know what this is about.” Lena says as some of her thoughts come together.

“You do?” Kara wonders if Lena is remembering what happened.

“I realize I’m not thinking clearly, but I’m still a genius.” She smiles slightly before sighing. “So I’m not dead, but I am dying.” Lena stares at Kara, almost daring her lie.

“You’re only dying if I say you are.” Says Kara. “And I haven’t decided yet.”

“Oh. That’s right. I gave you power of attorney. I forgot about that.” Lena says , looking away for a moment. “Sorry. I should’ve warned you. But you’re the only person I trust with my life.”

“You don’t have to apologize. I just…..i need to know what to do.” Kara pleads.

“Wow. I must be in pretty bad shape.” Lena says.

“You are.” Kara says, a tear escaping.

“So you want me to tell you what to do. To keep me alive, or let me die.”

“I……yes.” Kara whispers. Lena looks Kara in the eye.

“What do you wanted do Kara?” Lena asks.

“It…it’s your life Lena, it doesn’t matter what I want.” She says.

“Of course what you want matters.” Lena says. “I gave you this decision. You Kara. Not anyone else. Not even me. I want…. No, I need to know what you want.”

“I…..i want you to live Lena. Of course I want you to live. I want to see you everyday. I want to talk to you every morning and every night and all the time in between for the rest of my life.” Kara sobs. “I want to be selfish. I want to keep you here, even though it will hurt you. I want to stand by your side and hold your hand, even though you’ll be suffering through each moment. I want you here no matter what state you’re in because I can’t imagine even taking a single breath in a world that doesn’t have you in it.” Lena wraps her arms around Kara and pulls her close.

“Than do it.” Lena whispers in her ear.

“What?”

“Choose life. I’ll stay.” Lena pulls back and looks at Kara. “I’ll stay with you. I’ll fight, and I’ll heal, and we’ll work together.”

“Lena I …… are you sure?” Kara asks.

“We’re a Luthor and a Super. We can do anything.” Lena smiles. Kara smiles back before hugging Lena tightly. Kara lets herself be happy for a moment. Let’s herself imagine Lena living. Lena waking up. Then she remembers what Alex said. What Lena’s life will be like if she wakes.

“You never answered my question.” Kara finds herself asking.

“What question?” Lena asks.

“What you would do if it were me?” Kara asks.

“I told you I would always fight for you to live.” Lena says.

“That’s what you said before….before I told you what letting me live would mean.”

“I don’t see why it matters. You’re fine.” Lena says.

“Please just tell me.” Kara says. “Tell me what you would choose if letting me live meant I would never be the same again. That I’d be miserable and suffering. What would you do if me being alive only meant that my heart was beating and my lungs were breathing, and nothing more. What would you choose if you knew I wanted to go, but I said I would stay just because I knew that that’s what you wanted.”

“Kara….” Lena shakes her head and tears start to fall from her eyes.

“Please tell me.” Kara begs with a weak voice. Lena closes her eyes.

“I’d let you go.” Lena whispers. “It would kill me, but I’d let you go.”

“I know you would.” Kara says. “Because you always do the right thing. Even when it isn’t easy. Even when it hurts you.”

“I’m sorry Kara.” Lena sobs as she falls against Kara. “I’m so sorry. I…. I want to be strong for you. I want to fight. But I…… I’m so tired Kara. I’m so tired.”

“I know you are. And that’s okay. You’ve done enough. More than enough.” Kara holds onto Lena with everything she has. “You’re my hero Lena Luthor. You’ll always be my hero. But…..it’s time to stop fighting. It’s your turn to rest. It’s okay to let go.”

“I….I want to, but Kara. I need to know that you’ll be okay.” Lena says. “I can’t go if you’re not going to be okay.”

“I won’t lie to you again.” Kara says. “I won’t be okay. I’ll never be okay without you. But I….. I need to stop being selfish with you Lena. I’ve been selfish since the moment I met you. And it isn’t fair to you Lena. I’ve been holding you too close for too long. I’ve always been so worried about keeping you close, that I never stopped to see how it was effecting you. I never saw how I was hurting you. So just this once, i’m going to stop being selfish, and I’m going to do what’s best for you. No matter the cost to me.” Lena’s grip on Kara almost turns painful.

“Thank you.” She whispers.

“Anything for you Lena.” Kara says. Lena pulls away from Kara so she can see her. She does her best to push away the tears.

“You being close never hurt me Kara.” Lena tells her. “I was always amazed that you wanted to be around me. Before I met you, I was nothing. I was so empty and broken and hopeless. And….. and then you walked in. And suddenly, I started coming back to life. And it scared me, because I had never felt that way before, but it was worth it. You made everything worth it. Life became worth living. You made my world so….perfect. I never saw you coming. You completely took me by surprise.

So I know it’s going to hurt when I’m gone. Believe me I do. And it’s okay to hurt and to cry. But promise me you won’t cry forever. Promise me you’ll stay strong and be happy again. I know it might not seem possible. But you never know who’s going to walk into your office. You never know what life is going to bring. And if life can bring someone like me, a person as brilliant as you, than I believe life has something truly breathtaking waiting for you.”

“Nothing and no one will ever compare to you. I guarantee it.” Kara says. “But I promise I’ll try. I’ll be strong. For you.”

“That’s all I want. Well, that and maybe two more things.” Lena says.

“Anything.” Kara breathes out.

“Promise……promise you won’t forget me.” Lena’s voice shakes as she speaks. Kara pulls Lena in for another hug.

“Forgetting you would be impossible.” Kara whispers. “What’s the other thing.”

“Could you……could you stay with me. Until the end.” Lena asks timidly. Kara bites back a loud cry. She’s not sure how, but she can feel Lena beginning to fade away.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Kara says. Kara holds onto Lena. She doesn’t let go. She stays as the air around them stills, as the bright blue sky slowly grows dark, and as Lena’s hold on her gets so weak, her arms fall into her lap. Lena’s eyes start to get heavy, and she struggles to keep them open. Kara only holds her tighter.

“Kara.” Lena mumbles.

“What is it Lena?”

“You never…..never told me why The Wizard of Oz was your favorite movie.” Lena says. Kara cries silently. There’s so many things she’ll never get to tell Lena, so many things they’ll never get to do. But they can have this one thing.

“It reminded me of myself. A lost girl looking for her home.” Kara says.

“Did you ever find your home?” Lena’s voice is almost inaudible. Kara looks down at Lena and smiles.

“Yes. I found her.” Lena’s eyes fall closed, she goes limp in Kara’s arms, and the world around them faded to nothing.

Xxxxxxxxx

**Lena’s Song**

**Don't Forget Me - Nathan Wagner**

_**I thought all of my hope was gone** _  
_**Until you walked in** _  
_**Showed this broken down body of bones** _  
_**That this life is worth it** _  
_**Gave me everything a person could ask** _  
_**Made my world so perfect** _  
_**So I pray each and every night** _  
_**That this loves worth the risk** _

_**If I don't make it through the night** _

_**Don't forget me** _  
_**Keep me in your memory** _  
_**Let me be your favorite angel** _  
_**Just keep on moving on** _  
_**Remember** _  
_**That life always gets better** _  
_**Cry for me but** _  
_**Promise, Darling** _  
_**You'll keep on staying Strong** _

_**You're the worlds most extravagant girl** _  
_**I just can't understand** _  
_**I'm a time bomb that's ticking away** _  
_**Still you're holding my hand** _  
_**You say what's love without the pain** _  
_**Without a chance that it could break** _  
_**It's not real** _  
_**That it's not ever gonna change** _  
_**And you're forever gonna stay** _  
_**Right here** _

_**Don't forget me** _  
_**Keep me in your memory** _  
_**Let me be your favorite angel** _  
_**Just keep on moving on** _  
_**Remember** _  
_**That life always gets better** _  
_**Cry for me but** _  
_**Promise Darling** _  
_**You'll keep on staying Strong** _

_**Look at me, look at me in the eye** _  
_**You've given me, a perfect life** _  
_**I'm promising, this ain't goodbye** _  
_**Everything, will be alright** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise this isn’t the end. Keep reading. This story isn’t over yet.


	9. The Scientist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so very sorry for the long wait. I don’t really like to make excuses, but I was quite ill for a while. But I’m out of the hospital now and feeling more than well enough to write a chapter for you guys. I hope you enjoy it.

_**Kara’s song** _

**The Scientist – Holly Henry (Acoustic cover)**

**Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry**   
**You don't know how lovely you are**   
**I had to find you, tell you I need you**

**Tell you I set you apart**   
**Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions**   
**Oh, let's go back to the start**

**Running in circles, coming up tails**   
**Heads on a science apart**   
**Nobody said it was easy**

**It's such a shame for us to part**   
**Nobody said it was easy**   
**No one ever said it would be this hard**

**Oh, take me back to the start**   
**I was just guessing at numbers and figures**   
**Pulling the puzzles apart**   
**Questions of science, science and progress**

**Do not speak as loud as my heart**

**But tell me you love me, come back and haunt me**   
**Oh and I rush to the start**   
**Running in circles, chasing our tails**   
**Coming back as we are**

**Nobody said it was easy**   
**Oh, it's such a shame for us to part**   
**Nobody said it was easy**   
**No one ever said it would be so hard**   
**I'm going back to the start**   
**Oh ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh**   
**Ah ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh**   
**Oh ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh**   
**Oh ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh**

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

What do you say when you lose something? Not just something, but that one thing, that one person, that matters most to you? Nothing. Because what is there to say? What words could make the pain lessen, or make that crushing empty feeling make sense? They’re gone. They can’t speak anymore. So why should you?

So than what do you do when the person that held your heart….no. They didn’t hold your heart, they _were_ your heart. What do you do, what action do you take when they can no longer be by your side? There’s nothing left to do. It doesn’t seem right to move or even breathe when they no longer do so.

So then what’s left? If you can’t speak, can’t breathe, can’t move, can’t think. If you can’t go forward, what’s left for you to do? Well when you rule everything else out, there really is only one thing left to do. If you can’t move on, then you move back.

**Xxxxxxxx**

Kara doesn’t feel anything for a moment. A darkness with no beginning and no end surrounds her. Nothing exists. She feels no pain or heartache. She feels no happiness or joy. She wonders if this is what Lena is feeling. Absolute nothingness. And at that single thought of Lena, a spark of emotion starts to burn in Kara’s chest. It quickly spreads. Burning brighter and hotter, until it completely consumes her. And suddenly, she feels everything. The hospital bed beneath her. Her damp, tear stained face. And Lena’s cold hand, still resting gently in hers. She’s back in the real world. And the weight of it is crushing.

“Kara!” She hears Alex desperately call out to her. She reluctantly opens her eyes. Alex is leaning over her with tears in her eyes. “Kara, you’re back. Thank god.” Alex pulls her up from the bed and into a tight hug. Kara can’t bring herself to hug her sister back.

“We were getting worried.” Kelly says as she walks up next to them.

“Why?” Kara’s voice is strained and hoarse.

“You were in there for more than twenty hours.” Kelly tells her. “And your vitals were erratic the entire time. We tried to pull you out, but we couldn’t break the link between you and Lena.”

“Lena.” Kara pulls away from Alex and turns to Lena. She looks the same as she did before. “She….she’s….”

“Lena’s vitals are still holding steady.” Says Alex. “It looks like she might make it. But it will still be a day or two before I’m confident that she’s stable.”

“The only thing that changed is the readings we’re getting from her brain.” Says Kelly. Kara doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t even look at Kelly or Alex. She doesn’t need to know what the readings say or the science behind it. Kara already knows the truth. Lena’s gone.

“A few hours into the process, Lena’s brain activity spiked. It was pretty active for awhile, at least parts of it were. But…… but then it dropped again. Lower then before. Right now her brain function is…… extremely minimal.” Alex says sadly.

“But that might change.” Kelly says. “We got a lot of data while you two were connected. We’ve only gone through a fraction of it. There could be answers in there. And the way Lena’s brain lit up when interacting with you could be helpful. It’s possible to continue to use that connection to help Lena’s brain wake up again. Maybe even make it permanent.”

“No.” Kara’s soft but firm whisper echos around them.

“What do you mean no?” Asks Alex. Kara gets up from the bed and brushes past her sister. She walks up to Lena. Her eyes never leaving her. Kara tries to picture her the way she looked as she sat in the golden fields. Her soft, dark hair moved by a gentle breeze. Her skin glowing and healthy. Her bright green eyes sparkling in the sunlight. Because that was her Lena.

The woman before her. Ghostly pale, limp hair, sunken face. This wasn’t Lena. Lena was already gone. Her Lena was resting peacefully in the windswept, sun soaked hills of Ireland. No. The woman in bed in front of her wasn’t Lena at all. She was just a small broken fragment of what she once was. Kara knows this to be true. But it doesn’t stop her from silently crying over her as she holds tightly onto her hand.

“She’s gone.” Kara says through the tears.

“What are you talking about?” Asks Alex. “What happened?”

“I let her go.” Kara says as she finally looks up at her sister. “I let her go. And she isn’t coming back.”

“Kara. I don’t understand. What…”

“She’s gone Alex! Lena isn’t going to wake up. She isn’t going to get better. Lena……. I spoke to her. She was there. And she would’ve stayed if…..if I asked her to stay she would have. But….. I couldn’t do it. I….. I couldn’t hurt her. Not again. So I let her go.” Kara looks back down at Lena. “I’m letting go.” She whispers. Alex’s eyes grow wide and fill with tears as she realizes what her sister is saying.

“Kara…….are…..are you sure?” Alex’s voice shakes. “There still might be….”

“No.” Kara says firmly. She can’t listen to Alex. She can’t let her change her mind. Every inch of her is screaming at her to fight. To some how save Lena. But that’s what she wants. That’s what would make her feel better. It isn’t what Lena wants. It’s not what’s best for Lena. Kara can’t let herself be selfish with this. She has to do what’s best for Lena. And unfortunately, this is the best option. “I went into Lena’s mind. Not just to talk to her, but….but to get answers. And I got my answer. I…..we have to let her go.”

“K….Kara. I….” Alex can hardly speak through her tears. Kelly puts a comforting hand on her girlfriend’s shoulder, before taking over.

“Kara. You have the legal right to make all medical decisions for Lena.” Kelly says as she approaches her. “But you’ll need to state clearly and specifically what you want.”

“I…..I’m not sure I can.” Kara cries.

“Can you answer yes or no?” Kelly asks her. Kara nods her head. Kelly takes a deep steady breath. “Okay. Lena is medically brain dead and is relying completely on life support to keep her alive. As her medical proxy, do you wish to disconnect Lena’s life support?” Kara lets out a choked sob. Hearing it out loud is unbearable. She looks down at Lena. Her hand moves to brush Lena’s hair away from her face, and she tries to think of Ireland.

“Yes.” Kara tells Kelly in a clear, but broken voice. Kelly blinks away the tears that fill her eyes.

“Alright. I’ll call one of the doctors to take care of it. They should be here soon.” Kelly says.

“No.” Alex says as she quickly tries to wipe the tears from her face. “I’ll do it.”

“Alex. You don’t have…”

“No.” Alex interrupts Kelly. “I’m not letting some stranger do this. Someone Lena never even met. I….. I was never there for Lena. Not when it counted. But I can be here now. I… I can do this one last thing.”

“Okay.” Kelly says as she watches Alex approach Lena with shaky movements. She watches the two emotionally shattered sisters and wonders how the hell they were ever going to recover from this.

“Are you ready Kara?” Alex asks.

“Yes.” Kara forces herself to say it.

“Do….do you want to say goodbye first?”

“I already did.” Kara watches Lena. She tries not to listen to the sound of all the machines being shut off. She tries not to let the suddenly silent room overwhelm her. But there’s no ignoring the sight of Lena’s chest no longer rising and falling, or the stuttering sound of Lena’s damaged heart stopping for good. And the sound of Alex announcing time of death is so painful, Kara feels as if the earth itself stops spinning.

It’s over. Lena’s gone. There’s nothing left. Nothing at all.

“Kara.” Kara ignores her sister. She looks at Lena one last time. She slowly leans down and kisses her cheek.

“I love you Lena. Always and Forever.” She whispers against her cold skin. Kara stands back up. She takes her glasses off. Now that her suit was in her glasses, they represented both her personas. But without Lena, she didn’t feel like Supergirl, and she certainly didn’t feel like Kara Danvers. She gently puts her glasses in Lena’s hand. “I’ll see you in Ireland.” And with that, Kara turns her back. On everything.

Her feet move without thought as she slowly walks from the hospital room, to the hallway, and towards the exit.

“Kara!” She hears Alex running after her, but she doesn’t stop. She can’t stop. She just keeps moving until she finds herself outside on a busy street in front of LuthorCorp. People walking, driving, eating, laughing. Going on with their lives as if the worse thing imaginable didn’t just happen. It makes Kara want to scream.

“Kara.” Alex calls to her. Her sister is just a few feet from her now, her hand outstretched towards her. They lock eyes. Alex’s hand drops to her side, and her heart breaks completely as she looks at Kara. Realizing that she didn’t only lose Lena today. When Lena died, so did her sister. She can see it in her eyes.

Kara looks away from Alex. And, not caring that she’s in a crowd and dressed as Kara Danvers, flies into the sky with all her strength.

She flies as fast as she can. And then, she flies faster. The earth beneath her blurs. The air rushing around her body turns hot. She starts to fly even faster. Her skin starts to burn, her body screams in protest, but it only makes her push harder and faster. She doesn’t know why, but she can’t stop. All she can do is think about Lena and how she’s gone. How she failed her.

Kara forces out every last ounce of strength she has, flying faster than she ever has before. A gut wrenching scream rips from her throat, sounding both terrifying and mournful. Then everything stops. She stops. Her powers completely burned away. And she falls from the sky.

Kara watches as the ground grows closer. With out her powers, she can’t survive a fall like this. But she can’t bring herself to care. She tries to think about how Alex would be devastated if she died. And she knows Lena would never want her to give up like this. But she just doesn’t care. She tries to, but she can’t. She relaxes her body and closes her eyes. And she thinks of Ireland.

The roar of the wind suddenly stops. Kara stumbles a bit as her feet slip against the soft earth under her feet. Wait. Why is she standing? Wasn’t she suppose to be falling? She opens her eyes. Tall pine trees stretch up around her. A thin layer of snow coats the ground, and delicate flakes float down around her. Where is she? What the hell happened?

“That was quite a tumble you almost took back there Miss Kara Zor-el.” A familiar voice sounds out behind her. Kara spins around, feeling a bit dizzy without her powers. When her eyes land on a man casually smiling and leaning against a tree, she feels a white hot anger start to burn in her chest. She didn’t feel like seeing or speaking to anyone. And she certainly didn’t want anyone to save her. Yet, there he stands, acting like some sort of hero. And she hates him. She hates how he always seems to show up at the worse times. The annoying imp. Mxyzptlk.

“What are you doing here?” Kara’s voice shakes with rage and sadness. She knows she’s crying, but she’s helpless to stop.

“Isn’t it obvious? I saved your life.” Mxy says proudly. Kara stumbles over to him, pointing an accusing finger at him.

“I never asked to be saved!” She shouts. Mxy’s face falls.

“Well, actually, you did.” He says as he finally takes in the raw emotion on Kara’s face. “That scream you let out could be heard in every dimension. And it was a scream for help if I ever heard one. I just wanted to help my friend.”

Kara’s anger disappears instantly. She falls to her knees and starts sobbing, as if her anger was the only thing holding her up. She feels Mxy kneel in front of her and rest his hands on her shoulders. She doesn’t have the energy to push him away, so instead, she leans into him.

“Sh…..she’s gone.” Kara cries. “L….Lena’s gone.”

“Oh. Lena Luthor. Your friend. I had heard that she past away.” Mxy says. Kara looks up at him.

“How? It….it only just happened.”

“Lena Luthor is a very powerful and influential person in this dimension. When someone like her……dies….. the effects can be felt and noticed almost everywhere.” Mxy tells her.

“It’s my fault. It….it’s all my fault.” Kara says weakly. “She’s dead because of me.”

“Well that’s just not true.” Says Mxy.

“You weren’t there, you can’t know.” Kara cries.

“Oh, but I can.” Says Mxy. “Extremely powerful fifth dimensional being, remember. I know things. Things that were, things that are, and things that could be. So I can tell you, Kara Zor-el, that Lena’s death was not your fault.” Mxy looks at Kara, but can tell that she has stopped listening to him.

“Things that could be.” Kara whispers almost to herself.

“What was that?” Asks Mxy. Kara’s head snaps up. She desperately grabs hold of the imp.

“You….Mxy, you can fix it. You can fix everything!” Kara says excitedly.

“What? What do you mean?” Mxy asks as Kara pulls them both up from the ground.

“You can go back! You can take me back. Stop Lena from ever getting hurt. We can stop Lena from dying!” Kara is practically vibrating.

“Oh no no no.” Mxy says as he takes a step back. “I can’t do that.”

“What? No. Of course you can!” Kara yells. “You offered to help me change the past just a few months ago!”

“That was different. This is different.” Says Mxy.

“How?! How is it different?” Kara asks. Mxy sighs and sits down on the snow covered ground.

“I shouldn’t tell you this. It will only make things worse.” He says sadly.

“Just tell me.” Kara sits down in front of him. The cold snow soaks into her clothes, making her shiver and chilling her to the bone without her powers. Mxy sighs again and his shoulders slump.

“Technically, I could do what you’re asking me to do. I could send you back, and you could prevent Lena’s death. But……”

“But what?” Kara urges.

“But it wouldn’t really change anything.” Says Mxy.

“What do you mean? Lena not dying would change everything.”

“But that’s the thing. Lena would still die.” Mxy tells her.

“What? That doesn’t make sense.” Kara says.

“Look. If you stop Lena from dying today, all you would be doing is slowing down the inevitable.” Mxy says.

“I don’t understand.” Kara says.

“I could send you back to stop Lena’s death, but within about a weeks time, she would die again.” Mxy tells her.

“What? Why? No. You know what, it doesn’t matter. We could just stop that from happening too.” Kara says.

“It’s not that simple Kara. Lena Luthor is fated to die.” Mxy says. “And not you nor I can fight against fate.”

“No. No that’s not possible!” Kara jumps to her feet and starts pacing. This can’t be. She finally found a way to save Lena. She wasn’t going to just let something stupid like fate stand in the way. “There has to be something we can do.”

“I’m sorry Kara. But you can’t mess with fate. If you try, all you do is make things worse.”

“LENA IS DEAD!” Kara screams. “How can it get worse?”

“Lena would end up suffering more and more the longer you try to prevent her death. And by fighting this fate, others will die along the way. And in the end, Lena Luthor will still die.” Mxy says.

“How do you know all this? How can you be so sure?” Kara asks. Mxy stands and starts pacing with Kara.

“After the last time we saw each other, I got curious. I thought it odd that every new reality I sent you to ended in pain and disaster.” Mxy explains. “So I looked into it. I thought perhaps I did something wrong. Or that there was something wrong with you. But that wasn’t it at all. There was an anomaly. And that anomaly, was Lena Luthor. You see, we couldn’t find a reality that gave you a happily ever after, because it involved Lena. And it just isn’t possible for her to have a good ending.”

“That….that doesn’t make sense.” Kara says as her tears start to flow again. “No ones life is just set in stone. We….everyone has the power to change there own destiny.”

“That’s true for the most part. A person’s life and fate is flexible, until it isn’t. For some people, at a certain point in their life, they either make a choice or something happens to them, and it solidifies their fate. And nothing, and no one, can change that.”

“But….but that’s not fair!” Kara cries. “It’s….Lena is the best person I have ever met. She…..she’s kind, and…..and smart. She would sacrifice everything for a complete stranger. She has the biggest heart. She’s suffered so much in her life. She….she deserves a chance to live. To be happy. There……there has to be something we can do.”

“I am truly sorry Kara Zor-el. But I have looked at every possibility. Every outcome.” Mxy looks at Kara apologetically. “There is simply no reality in which Lena Luthor lives a long life. And she never lives a happy one.”

Kara feels her soul breaking apart. She had gotten her hopes up, only to have them shattered. She’s ready to let herself fall completely apart. But one small thought floats distantly in her mind, preventing her from letting go. There is no reality where Lena Luthor lives. Where Lena Luthor is happy. Lena Luthor. Luthor.

“ _It would’ve been nice, to have never been a Luthor_.” Lena’s voice echos in Kara’s head.

“Luthor.” Kara whispers. She wipes the tears from her face and turns determinedly towards Mxy. “If there is no reality where Lena Luthor lives a long and happy life. Than I want to make a reality where Lena Luthor doesn’t exist at all.” Mxy frowns before his eyes go wide and his jaw slackens as he realizes what Kara wants to do.

“Kara you can’t. You…..you don’t understand what you’re asking for.” Says Mxy.

“I understand completely.” Says Kara.

“Kara…..it would change everything. A world without Lena Luthor…….the future would change completely. I don’t think you get how big of an impact Lena has on the world.”

“You don’t think…..how dare you. I’ve seen and felt and experienced the impact Lena has, not only on the world, but on every person in her life. Don’t you dare say I don’t understand.” Kara says through gritted teeth. “I also understand that Lena has suffered. I understand that she deserves so much more than the life she got. And I understand that if I have the chance to make that all go away, than it’s something I have to do.”

“A change that big Kara……the world as you know it will cease to exist. You……you will cease to exist. If you make this change, everything you know, including yourself, will simply……disappear.” Mxy says. “Are you really willing to do that? Just for one person?”

“Tell me this.” Says Kara. “If we do this….. will Lena live a long life? More importantly, will she be happy?”

“I….. I can’t give you all the answers. But her fate would no longer be solidified. And the likelihood of her being happy increases exponentially. But really, since her fate would be flexible, it would all be up to her. Unlike in this reality, her fate would be hers to choose and change.” Mxy tells her.

“Then yes. I’m willing to do it. Because it’s not just for one person. It’s…… it’s Lena.” Kara says her name like it’s the answer to everything. “I’m probably being selfish. I’m probably not acting like a hero. And Lena would most likely tell me not to do it. But I don’t care. Because I truly, and deeply believe that a world without Lena in it…… just isn’t worth saving.”

“It won’t be the same.” Says Mxy. “You and her will probably never even meet.”

“I know.” Kara says sadly.

“And you’d be breaking that last promise you made her.” Mxy tells her. “You promised you wouldn’t forget her. If you do this, not only would you forget her, but the entire world would as well.”

“The world never deserved Lena in the first place.” Says Kara. “As for me. Nothing. Not anything. Not even changing reality itself, could ever make me forget Lena.” Mxy lets out a laugh and smiles softly.

“You know. I think that might just be true.” He says.

“So you’ll do it.” Kara pleads.

“Making a change like this is going to land me back into the fifth dimensional prison.” Mxy grumbles. “But for you, Kara Zor-el, if this is truly your wish, then I’d be honored to grant it.” Kara throws her arms around him, hugging him with all her might.

“Thank you.” She cries. “Thank you so much.” Mxyzptlk hugs her back.

“I’m going to miss you, Kara Zor-el. I do hope we meet again in this new reality. And I hope we can become friends once more.” He says as he pulls away.

“Me too.” Kara smiles through her tears.

“Are you ready Lady Zor-el?”

“Yes.”

“Then what are we waiting for.” Mxy snaps his fingers and Kara disappears. A tear slips down his face. He’s not one to cry, but he has never had to say goodbye to a friend before. All he can do now is hope that Kara gets everything she hopes for. And who knows. Maybe she’ll remember. At least a small part of her might.

**Xxxxxxxxx**

**Ireland – 1997**

Lena stands at the edge of the water. Her small body trembling. But beyond that, the young child doesn’t move. She doesn’t speak. She doesn’t cry. She’s frozen as she stares out at the water. Waiting for her Mum to surface. But her stomach twists into knots as part of her realizes that it isn’t going to happen. Suddenly, she hears someone shouting her name.

“Lena?” Says a woman’s voice. Hands gently grab her shoulders and a woman with blonde hair is kneeling in front of her. “Lena. Where’s your mother.” She asks, her blue eyes wide and desperate. Lena looks past the woman and towards the water. She raises her small hand and points. The woman turns and looks out to the water. She turns back to Lena. “Stay right here.”

Without hesitating, the woman jumps into the water, disappearing under the surface. After a few moments, the water grows still and everything is quiet again. Lena doesn’t move. She thinks that the water must have taken the blonde woman just like it took her Mum. Then suddenly, out in the water, something surfaces with a shout and a gasp.

The blonde woman is there, and she has something in her arms. As she gets closer, Lena can see red hair, and she realizes the woman has her Mum. She makes it to the edge of the water and drags her Mum’s limp body onto solid land. Something shifts in the little girls heart, and she finally starts crying.

The woman leans over her Mum and puts her mouth against hers. She starts pushing on her chest. It looks like it must hurt. Lena almost shouts for the woman to stop, when her Mum suddenly jerks up and starts coughing violently. The strange woman helps her sit up. She gently rubs her Mum’s back while she coughs up water.

“L…Lena.” Her Mum manages to say between choking. The sound of her Mum’s voice unfreezes Lena and she tearfully runs to her. She wraps her small arms around her Mum’s neck and cries loudly.

“Wow. You look just like her.” The woman that saved her Mum says quietly, causing Lena to look at her.

“Tha……thank you.” Lena’s Mum says with a raw sounding voice. “Thank you for bringing me back to my little girl.” The woman smiles, tears glisten in her eyes.

“Don’t thank me. Thank Lena. It was all her.” She says.

“But…..i didn’t do anything.” Lena says in a small voice.

“You called out for help.” Says the woman.

“No. I didn’t say anything.” Lena says, her head dips down with guilt. The woman softly puts a finger under her chin and tilts her head up.

“You didn’t call for help with your voice. You called for help with your heart, and that’s louder than words could ever be.” She says.

“Who….who are you?” Lena’s Mum asks.

“I’m a friend of Lena’s.” She smiles. Lena’s Mum starts to say something else, but stops as the woman before her begins to glow. The strange woman looks down at her hands and smiles sadly. “I guess this is it.”

“What’s going on?” Her Mum asks with wide eyes as she holds her daughter closer.

“I don’t have time to explain. But before I go, I need to say something.” She turns and looks at Lena. “Lena. I want you to remember something. You are so amazing. And as you grow up, you’ll find out that you’re capable of so many wonderful things. Because you, Lena, you have the heart of a hero. But while you’re out there, being a hero, I want you to remember one thing. Can you do that?”

“Y….yes.” Lena’s small voice answers. The strange, glowing woman smiles.

“I want you to remember to be happy. Other things might seem more important sometimes. But I need you to try and live the happiest life you can live. Because you’re a hero Lena. And heroes deserve to be happy.” The woman is crying now. Lena feels compelled to comfort her. Before her mother can stop her, Lena grabs hold of the woman’s hand.

“What’s your name?” Little Lena asks.

“I’m Kara.” She smiles. “My name is Kara.”

“Will we ever see you again?” Lena asks. She doesn’t know why, but she wants this strange woman to stay.

“I hope so Lena. I really, really hope so.” Kara says as she starts to glow brighter. The light is almost blinding. And suddenly, it fades away. Leaving Lena’s hand to close around nothing but air.

Lena and her Mother never tell anyone about the blonde woman that appeared and disappeared without a trace. But for Lena, as the years pass, a day doesn’t go by that she doesn’t think about the woman named Kara. Always hoping that, one day, Kara will appear again.

**Xxxxxxxxx**

_**Lena’s song** _

** Wait for you – Tom Walker **

**I'm just prayin' you can figure this out**   
**And when there's nothing left, you know I'll still be around**   
**And if all of this is dragging you under**   
**I'll remind you of the world and its wonder**   
**I'm just prayin' we can figure this out**

**These bitter dreams, they seem to last**   
**And even though it's in the past**

**I know it's hard for you to talk**   
**Bare your soul and open up**   
**I will wait for you, I will wait for you**   
**Can't pretend to understand**   
**I'll be here to hold your hand**   
**I will wait for you, I will wait for you**

**I can't imagine everything you've been through**   
**You've taken the bad times and made 'em good**   
**'Cause when everything is dragging me under**   
**You remind me of the world and its wonder**   
**And I'm just glad that we have figured this out**

**These bitter dreams, they seem to last**   
**And even though it's in the past**

**I know it's hard for you to talk**   
**Bare your soul and open up**   
**I will wait for you, I will wait for you**   
**Can't pretend to understand**   
**I'll be here to hold your hand**   
**I will wait for you, I will wait for you**

**I've never met someone as strong as you**   
**I've never met someone as loved as you**   
**I've never met someone like you**   
**I've never met someone like you**

**'Cause only you could make this into something beautiful**   
**Only you can make a bitter song so sweet**   
**And I can't pretend to understand**   
**But I'll be here to hold your hand**   
**I will wait for you**   
**And oh, I will wait for you**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next and final chapter is already in the works. I promise it’ll be posted soon.
> 
> \- EchoMayday

**Author's Note:**

> Please tell me what you thought, and thanks for reading.
> 
> -EchoMayday


End file.
